Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

The Power of Detachment

In this episode, we dive into the topic of "Detachment" and explore how detaching can bring freedom and peace in destructive marriages.
Understanding Detachment:
Leslie defines detachment as the ability to show up as the person you want to be without expecting the other person to meet your expectations.
Detachment doesn't mean disconnecting or not caring; it means letting go of the need to control or fix someone else's behavior.
Detachment in Everyday Situations:
Julie and Leslie explore how detachment can manifest in normal, everyday situations, such as preparing dinner for your spouse without expecting their appreciation.
It's about showing up as your authentic self and not relying on the other person to fulfill your emotional needs or expectations.
Healthy Detachment in Intimate Relationships:
The conversation delves into the complexity of detachment in intimate relationships, particularly regarding sexual intimacy.
While detachment can be a way to protect oneself from harm in destructive marriages, each person must decide their boundaries and what feels right for them.
Common Roadblocks to Detachment:
The episode highlights common roadblocks that hinder detachment, such as the resistance to let go of our preconceived notions of what our marriage or spouse should be.
Anger, resentment, and depression are warning signs that detachment is not being practiced effectively.
Detachment as a Process:
Detachment is not a one-time decision; it's a process that requires acceptance of the reality and boundaries within the relationship.
By detaching from the desire to change or control the other person, individuals can reclaim their time, energy, and resources for their own growth and well-being.
The Peace in Detachment:
Julie and Leslie discuss how detachment ultimately leads to inner peace, as individuals learn to love others with limits and accept that their well-being is not solely dependent on another person.
Detachment allows for the development of a new story, reinvigorating one's life and finding new avenues for personal growth and fulfillment.
Remember, detaching is about finding strength and centeredness in God, trusting that growth and strength can come from navigating difficult relationships. May God bless your relationships with Him, with yourself, and with others.
Resources:
Visit www.leslievernick.com/start for a free Quick Start guide that provides clarity on whether your marriage is difficult, disappointing, or destructive.
 

An Expert in Sexual Addiction Speaks to Wives

In this episode, we are joined by special guest, Jim Cress, an expert in the field of sexual addiction recovery and marriage restoration.
Part 1: Understanding Destructive Marriages
Leslie and Jim delve into the reality of destructive marriages, especially in the area of sexual addiction, and its impact on individuals and relationships.
Jim's shares his personal story and how he came to recovery.
Part 2: The Power of Boundaries
Jim Cress shares his wisdom on establishing healthy boundaries with a husband who is dealing with sexual addiction.
Jim and Leslie discuss how boundaries can serve as a means of self-care and protection, enabling women to create a safe environment for themselves and their families.
Part 3: Speaking Truth in Love
Jim offers practical strategies for women to address their husband's problems in a wise and loving manner.
Drawing from his years of experience, Jim emphasizes the importance of speaking the truth in love and approaching difficult conversations with empathy and understanding.
Part 4: Empowering Women to Take Action
Jim shares powerful tools and approaches for women to assert themselves, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize their own well-being in the face of challenging circumstances.
Part 5: Signs of Positive Change
Jim highlights key signs that indicate a husband is genuinely changing and working towards personal transformation.
Jim and Leslie also help women navigate the journey of healing by identifying observable signs of progress and growth in their husbands.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and transformation. May God bless your journey towards healthier and thriving relationships.
Resources:
For more information on Jim's work and additional resources, visit www.jimcress.com. 
To find out if you are in a difficult, disappointing, or destructive marriage go to www.leslievernick.com/start

Surviving Emotional Abuse & Addiction: Katarina’s Journey to Freedom

In this powerful episode, join our host, Julie, as she engages in a heartfelt conversation with Katarina, a brave survivor who shares her personal journey of breaking free from an abusive marriage. Together, they explore the challenges Katarina faced, the transformative moments that led her to question her circumstances, and the profound impact of finding hope and healing in the midst of adversity.
Episode Highlights:
The Horrendous Years: Katarina opens up about her 30-year marriage, revealing that 15 of those years were filled with emotional and psychological abuse. She describes the impact of being in denial and the moment she realized she was trapped in a destructive relationship.
Seeking Help: Learn about Katarina's courageous decision to seek counseling for addiction, which inadvertently led her to discover the concepts of codependency, enabling, and denial. She shares her experience of finding a specialized counselor who validated her experiences of abuse and introduced her to the work of Leslie Vernick.
Eye-Opening Realizations: Katarina discusses the profound revelations that shattered her previous misconceptions about her marriage. From understanding the concept of emotional abuse in the Bible to recognizing the red flags of an unhealthy relationship, she shares the pivotal moments that opened her eyes to the truth.
Overcoming Fear: Discover the immense fear and challenges Katarina faced when contemplating leaving her abusive husband. She talks about the resistance she encountered from both her husband and some members of her Christian community, highlighting the importance of receiving accurate biblical counsel and permission to prioritize safety and sanity over the institution of marriage.
Parental Alienation: Katarina bravely shares the heart-wrenching experience of parental alienation, where her husband turned her children against her. She recounts the impact this had on her relationship with her children and the subsequent restoration and healing that occurred as they witnessed the truth about their father.
Embracing a New Identity: Find inspiration in Katarina's transformation as she breaks free from the shackles of her past. She describes how she rediscovered her passions, particularly art, and embraced a new life filled with purpose and joy. Through her story, she encourages other women to pursue their own personal growth and to never lose hope in the face of adversity.
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Other Resources
If you think you might be in a destructive realtionship, go to www.leslievernick.com/start
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

Why Trying Harder Isn’t Always Biblical

In this episode, we explore the theme of why trying harder may not be the most effective approach when facing a destructive marriage.
Part 1: Understanding the Reality of Destructive Marriages
Differentiating between difficult and destructive marriages.
Acknowledging the presence of harmful patterns such as abuse, control, or addiction in destructive marriages.
Recognizing the importance of accurately identifying the dynamics in order to address them effectively.
Part 2: God's Heart for Safety, Growth, and Well-Being
Exploring God's desire for healthy and safe marriages.
Emphasizing the biblical foundation for mutual love, respect, and well-being within the marital relationship.
Understanding that God values the safety and sanity of individuals over the mere preservation of the marriage.
Part 3: Jesus' Teachings on Self-Reflection and Treating Others
Drawing wisdom from Matthew 7, examining Jesus' teachings on self-reflection and treating others with grace.
Encouraging listeners to assess their own growth areas and avoid a self-righteous or judgmental attitude towards their spouses.
Recognizing the importance of personal growth and self-care in the context of a destructive marriage.
Part 4: Challenging the Narrative of "Just Try Harder"
Questioning the effectiveness of the advice to "just try harder" in destructive marriages.
Empowering women to assert their individuality and decision-making rights in the face of controlling behavior.
Encouraging open communication and setting boundaries to foster healthier dynamics within the marriage.
Part 5: Taking Steps Towards Safety and Well-Being
Understanding the significance of taking action and pursuing personal well-being in destructive marriages.
Exploring scriptural examples and support for seeking safety, protection, and consequences for harmful behavior.
Highlighting the importance of self-care, seeking support from trusted sources, and exploring options for change.
Conclusion:
Recapitulating the theme of why trying harder may not be the best advice in destructive marriages.
Encouraging Christian women in destructive marriages to prioritize their safety, growth, and well-being.
Offering resources and support for those seeking guidance and clarity in difficult marital situations.
Resources:
Scriptural support for separating from a destructive spouse
For more information, resources, and support, visit leslievernick.com/start for Leslie's free Quick Start Guide.
May God grant you wisdom, strength, and courage as you navigate your journey in a destructive marriage. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and restoration.

Addressing Domestic Violence in the Church

Title: Relationship Truth Unfiltered: Addressing Domestic Violence in the Church
Description:
In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, host Leslie Vernick engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Pastor Dan, discussing the often overlooked issue of domestic violence within Christian marriages and the church. Together, they explore the challenges faced by pastors and church leaders in recognizing and addressing abuse, as well as the importance of equipping oneself with the necessary knowledge and tools to provide appropriate support. They emphasize the significance of understanding the power and control dynamics in abusive relationships, the need for accurate diagnosis and treatment plans, and the potential pitfalls of prioritizing institutional reputation over the safety and well-being of individuals. Pastor Dan also shares insights into his church's innovative approach of utilizing case managers to bridge the gap between families in crisis and community resources. The episode concludes with practical advice for individuals seeking to approach their pastors and create a safe space for discussing domestic violence within the church.
Episode Highlights:
The importance of recognizing and addressing domestic violence within Christian marriages and church settings.
The role of the Power and Control Wheel in identifying signs of control and abuse.
The challenges faced by pastors in acknowledging domestic violence and the need for equipping oneself to handle such situations.
Differentiating between marriage issues and the underlying personal sin issues that contribute to abusive behavior.
The potential harm caused by prioritizing institutional reputation over the safety and well-being of individuals.
The significance of accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment plans when addressing domestic violence.
The Family Stress Support program: Using case managers as bridge builders between families in crisis and community resources.
Approaching pastors with humility and concern, encouraging them to address the pain and seek support for victims of domestic violence.
Balancing the values of truth and love in addressing domestic violence within the church.
Don't miss this eye-opening episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, where Leslie Vernick and Pastor Dan shed light on the crucial issue of domestic violence and offer insights for individuals, pastors, and churches seeking to create a safe and supportive environment for those affected.
 

A Story of Staying Well

Join us on this compelling episode as we dive into Connie's courageous journey of overcoming marriage struggles, finding healing, and experiencing personal growth. Through her candid and heartfelt story, Connie shares the challenges she faced in her marriage, including infidelity, unmet needs, and emotional disconnection. She opens up about her journey of self-discovery and the transformative impact of resources like the Conquer series and Leslie Vernick's teachings.
Episode Highlights:
Connie's upbringing and how it influenced her views on love and marriage.
The breakdown of trust and emotional disconnection in her relationship.
The impact of infidelity and its aftermath on Connie's mental and emotional well-being.
Seeking help through therapy and the limitations of traditional counseling approaches.
Understanding the power of taking ownership of one's feelings and healing journey.
The importance of boundaries and self-care in maintaining personal well-being.
Finding support and community through the Conquer program and connecting with like-minded individuals.
Overcoming the urge to blame and focusing on personal growth instead.
Embracing the idea that healing and change start with oneself, rather than trying to fix or change your partner.
Learning to identify and address one's own needs and expectations within the relationship.
The role of self-compassion and self-love in rebuilding trust and finding contentment.
Whether you're facing similar struggles in your marriage or seeking personal growth and healing, Connie's story offers valuable insights and inspiration. Join us on this empowering episode to gain hope, discover resources, and find the strength to conquer your own challenges.

Biblical Reasons to Separate

Part 1: Understanding Destructive Marriages
In this episode, Leslie defines what a destructive marriage is and explains the difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive one.  
Part 2: Why It's Not Your Fault
Leslie discusses the common misconception that women in destructive marriages are responsible for the behavior of their spouses. She offers insight into how to overcome feelings of guilt and shame and empowers women to take steps toward healing and wholeness.
Part 3: Confronting the Truth
This is where Leslie talks about the importance of confronting the truth about your marriage. She offers practical advice on how to identify patterns of destructive behavior and how to set healthy boundaries in order to protect yourself and your children.
Part 4: Choosing Your Own Path
Leslie discusses the difficult decisions that women in destructive marriages often face, including the decision to stay or leave. She offers guidance on how to make those decisions and encourages women to prioritize their own well-being and the well-being of their children.
Part 5: Embracing Freedom
Here, Leslie discusses the concept of freedom and how it applies to women in destructive marriages. She offers encouragement and practical advice on how to embrace freedom, even in difficult circumstances, and how to move forward with hope and courage.
 

The Pastor of Murder Victim, Stacy Peterson, Has a Message for Women & Churches

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, we have a special guest, Neil Schori, a pastor who has dedicated his life to helping victims of abuse find safety and healing in the church.
Pastor Neil Schori shares his personal experience counseling Stacy Peterson. Stacy missing shortly after telling Pastor Neil that her husband  had confessed to her that he killed his former wife, Kathleen Savio. Stacy has never been found. Pastor Neil shares how that tragedy led him to a deeper understanding of the prevalence of abuse in the church.
Pastor Neil discusses the challenges of identifying and addressing abuse in the church. He talks about the importance of creating a safe space for victims to come forward and the need for pastors to be educated and equipped to deal with abuse.
Pastor Neil talks about the role of forgiveness in healing from abuse. He emphasizes that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the abuse, but rather releasing the offender to God and choosing to let go of the anger and bitterness that can hold us back from healing.
Pastor Neil discusses the importance of accountability in the church. He emphasizes the need for pastors and leaders to take responsibility for creating a culture of safety and for holding abusers accountable for their actions.
Pastor Neil talks about the need for churches to be proactive in preventing abuse. He emphasizes the importance of creating policies and procedures to prevent abuse from happening in the first place, as well as training pastors and leaders to recognize and respond to abuse.
Pastor Neil offers a message of hope and healing to victims of abuse. He reminds listeners that the abuse they experienced was not their fault and that there are people who will believe them and help them break free from the tragedy of abuse. He also shares about his work with the evidentiary affidavit of Abuse, a tool for victims to document their abuse and have their voices heard in court.
Resources
To legally document an abusive situation, go to www.documenttheabuse.com 
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
“Time’s Up” book by Susan Murphy Milano for practical tools to help women get safe
Leslie Vernick’s Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start 
Overcoming the Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, and Other Domestic Abusers: The Comprehensive Handbook to Recognize, Remove and Recover from Abuse by Charlene Quint
The Life-Saving Divorce by Gretchen Baskerville
Follow Neil on Twitter: @NeilSchori
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Betrayed By a Sex Addict

I. Discovering the Betrayal
Jayne shares the shock of finding out about her husband's affair
Discusses the discovery of additional affairs and a pornography addiction
The impact of betrayal trauma on her emotional and mental health
II. Coping with the Aftermath
The decision to seek marriage counseling
The challenge of keeping the situation a secret from family and friends
The importance of having a support system during difficult times
III. Struggles as a Christian Couple
The conflict between faith and the reality of the situation
The shame and stigma surrounding sexual addiction in Christian communities
The decision to leave the marriage and how it aligned with their faith
IV. Moving Forward
Jayne's journey of healing and self-discovery
The importance of forgiveness and letting go of resentment
The hope for a better future and healthy relationships
Resources:
Is Your Marriage Difficult, Disappointing, or Destructive? Find out with this free Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start
www.leslievernick.com
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Ask Leslie!

In this episode Leslie answers these listener questions:
So how do you deal with your husband when you remove yourself either to a different room or a walk in the woods or even leaving the house and he tells your that you are just running from your problems.
My husband had been verbally and sexually abusing me for years. I told him I want a separation a month and a half  ago l. He finally moved to another room a month ago and started going to therapy, church, acting nicer and helping around the house. I see he is acting better but I don’t feel differently. I told him so and he got very upset and said if I don't want to work on it I need to start paying my way. What am I to do if I can’t get the feelings back? All I have is trauma and pain.
My marriage falls into the "deeply disappointing" rather than the destructive category. It is so hard to know what to do because the thought of making an exit seems to be for my own comfort or the possibility to find someone more compatible and that seems selfish and like "not reason enough" to me. Please give me your thoughts about this.
Every time I make up my mind that I need to leave my marriage, I will get some unexpected “sign” that I think is from God and it makes me do a 180* and stay and try again to throw myself back into my marriage and to forgive and forget and to believe that “now” is not the moment and God will let me know the time to leave.
What’s a baby step we can put into practice to be self aware?
How do you become self aware when you're being gaslighted?
How to deal with the loneliness when letting go of the marriage?
I have been doing this for quite sometime and I have noticed it is worse.  I am terrified to leave.  I have no family and desire to know how to get over this intense fear.
The burning question in my heart is: I said “for better or for worse” in my marriage vows. Do I have the right to be rejecting him being “for worse?"
Join Conquer! (Doors close April 21)www.leslievernick.com/join 
Ask a Question:
Leave a comment on your preferred podcast app or go to Leslie's YouTube page and leave a comment on this episode:https://www.youtube.com/@leslievernick