Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Help! I'm Married to a Sex Addict

Welcome to this episode where we tackle the tough topic of sexual addiction. Julie Sedenko chats with relationship expert Leslie Vernick, and they dig deep into the emotions and challenges involved. If you or someone you know is dealing with a similar situation, stay tuned for some valuable insights and practical tips.
Understanding Anger:
Julie discusses the challenges faced by individuals dealing with a spouse's sexual addiction.
Leslie emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing anger as a valid emotion in this situation.
Part 1: Dealing with Anger
Leslie shares insights on how individuals can manage their anger constructively when facing a spouse's sexual addiction.
The discussion covers the significance of not suppressing anger and finding healthy outlets for it.
Suggestions include venting to a friend, counselor, or support group, as well as engaging in activities like writing, physical exercise, or even crying to release emotional tension.
The importance of recognizing that anger is a signal that something is wrong and can provide the energy needed for positive change is emphasized.
Retaliating against the spouse's actions is discouraged, and the focus is on constructive ways to handle anger.
Part 2: Seeking Help and Making Choices
The conversation emphasizes the need for support and the importance of setting boundaries to protect one's well-being.
Encouragement is given to the spouse with the addiction to seek help and support.
Leslie addresses the question of whether it's possible for someone to truly overcome sexual addiction and explains the need for ongoing support and accountability.
The importance of making choices and reframing one's perspective is discussed.
A shift from asking, "Why is this happening to me?" to "Why is this happening for me?" is encouraged.
The conclusion emphasizes that individuals are capable of handling difficult situations and emotions and encourages seeking support and resources to cope with anger while navigating this challenging journey.
Conclusion:
Individuals can do hard things, and there are people willing to help them through it.
Resources:
Leslie's Quick Start Guide
She Deserves Better by Sheila Gregoire

Empowering Survivors: The Pastor’s Role in Responding to Destructive Marriages

 
Advice for Women in Conservative Churches
Find a trustworthy female within the church to confide in.
Seek someone who embodies godliness and can provide a receptive ear.
Avoid putting the burden of finding the perfect words or expression on victims.
The Role of Humility in Pastors
Pastors must have humility when dealing with abuse cases.
Be aware of the woman's perspective if she is to speak to the elders. Ways to help her feel safe.
Training and Awareness
The growth of awareness and training in seminaries and conservative circles.
Upcoming training opportunities and resources for pastors and church leaders.
Importance of knowing local resources specializing in domestic abuse.
Creating Safety Plans
Encouragement for pastors to receive proper training and create safety plans.
The impact of creating safety plans for victims and changing their perspective.
Encouragement for pastors to embrace the labor of love in opposing evil and upholding good.
Conclusion:
Encouragement for pastors and church leaders to seek training and knowledge in addressing domestic abuse.
The importance of creating a safe and supportive environment within conservative churches.
Additional Resources:
"When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church," by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre
Peaceworks Live 2024
Quick Start Guide

Healing After Infidelity: Dee’s Journey

 
Discovering the Betrayal
Dee's life as a pastor's wife and the shock of discovering her husband's affair.
The initial emotions of hurt, anger, and confusion.
The difficulty of facing infidelity within the confines of the church community.
Seeking Support and Clarity
Dee's decision to reach out to her pastor for guidance and support.
The disappointment of the pastor's response and the need to find alternative help.
Her discovery of the Conquer program and how it provided clarity in a confusing situation.
Taking Control of Her Life
Dee's realization that she had the power to make choices for her future.
The importance of separating herself from an unhealthy relationship.
The role of Conquer and her faith in helping her regain control and self-worth.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
Dee's journey towards forgiveness and understanding its different layers.
The distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.
How staying close to God and finding a supportive church community helped her heal.
Conclusion
Dee's message to those facing infidelity: Seek support, stay close to God, and remember your worth.
Her story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the possibility of finding healing after betrayal.
Resources:
Leslie Vernick's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

Wisdom for Women in Destructive Marriages: 2023 Highlights

God's Love and Plans
Encouragement from Survivors
Emphasizing God's Love and Divine Plans
Overcoming Challenges
Staying the Course
Trusting God and Finding Hope
Freedom and Self-Worth
Embracing Freedom and Self-Worth in Christ
The Importance of Recognizing Your Value
Seek Help and Build Relationships
The Power of Seeking Support
Building a Support Network
Focus on Children
Prioritizing Children's Well-being
Empowering Children in Challenging Situations
Dealing with Betrayal Trauma
Addressing Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Trauma
Encouraging Help-Seeking and Resources
Taking Time for Healing
Practicing Self-Compassion
Allowing Time for Healing and Growth
Finding Hope
Offering Empathy and Understanding
The Promise of Transformation and Renewal
Conclusion
Empowering Women to Become Conquerors

Christmas Memories and the Gift of Presence

Merry Christmas to our podcast listeners!
In this episode Leslie and Julie share some Christmas memories and some practical advice, especially for those who find this to be a difficult holiday.
The Gift of Presence: Leslie emphasizes the importance of preparation and the opportunity to create a more positive Christmas experience. She recommends starting the day with gratitude and setting intentions for how you want to feel.
Leslie explains the significance of recognizing that God is in you and with you. She also explains how to use breath as a tool to calm the body and switch thoughts when negative emotions arise.
Finding Hope in Christmas: Julie shares a personal experience of finding hope in Christmas after the loss of a loved one. She emphasizes the importance of intentionally focusing on what Christmas represents, even during difficult times.
God's Presence Among Us: Leslie shares a powerful story from her experiences in the Philippines, where she encountered people living along railroad tracks in cardboard shacks. She draws a parallel between Jesus' humble birth in a manger and the way God lived among the lowly.
Closing Thoughts: We hope you will make meaningful Christmas memories, even in challenging circumstances. We wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas.

Breaking Down Purity Culture: Impact, Myths, and Empowered Living

Today's episode is a deep dive into the concept of purity culture. Many women have expressed feeling damaged by the pressure to remain pure or to marry someone with whom they had sex before marriage.
Leslie and Julie discuss what purity culture is and its impact on individuals.
Defining Purity Culture:
Purity culture is rooted in the belief that sex outside of marriage is wrong, based on biblical teachings. It emphasizes the importance of keeping oneself sexually pure until marriage and the sanctity of the marital relationship. God designed marriage to be a safe and trusting environment for raising healthy children and enjoying sexual pleasure within the bounds of commitment.
Purity Culture Practices:
Purity culture often includes practices like purity rings, purity proms, and events where fathers give their daughters purity rings. Young girls pledge to abstain from any form of physical intimacy until marriage.
The culture places the burden of maintaining sexual integrity mainly on women, with the notion that men struggle with self-control and must be protected from temptation through modest dress.
Impact on Women's Self-esteem:
Purity culture can lead to many negative consequences, such as deeply wounding women's self-esteem. Women who have had sexual experiences outside of marriage or have been victims of abuse may be made to feel like they are "damaged goods."
The culture can perpetuate the idea that a woman's worth is tied to her sexual purity, leading to emotional distress and low self-esteem for those who "don't keep the standard."
Marriage and "One Flesh" Teaching:
Some individuals were taught that, if they had sex before marriage, they were already married in God's eyes, which led to unhappy marriages. Leslie and Julie express their disapproval of this teaching, emphasizing that one mistake doesn't justify making another.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, but marrying someone who is untrustworthy or unsafe is not the solution to past mistakes or abuses.
Consequences of Purity Culture:
Purity culture can create unrealistic expectations about sex within marriage.
Some women have faced blame for their husbands' infidelity or pornography use if they don't meet certain sexual expectations.
The culture can lead to a skewed sense of responsibility and guilt, especially in cases of sexual abuse or rape.
Dressing Modestly and Respect:
The conversation touches on the importance of dressing modestly and respecting oneself.
While dressing modestly can help prevent unwanted attention, a person's behavior and choices are their own responsibility. No one invites rape through their clothing choices, and the focus should be on respecting oneself rather than preventing others from thinking inappropriate thoughts.
Overcoming Guilt and Shame:
Women who feel burdened by guilt and shame due to past mistakes are encouraged to make empowered choices moving forward. Making a mistake doesn't define one's worth or future; it's an opportunity for growth and learning.
"Stupid tax" is the price we pay for our mistakes, and it's crucial to learn from those experiences.
Balancing Teaching in the Home:
Parents need to have open and honest discussions with their children about sex, relationships, boundaries, and self-respect. Teach children to value themselves and their bodies, emphasizing the importance of making conscious and respectful choices.
Parents should help their children understand that they have control over their bodies and should exercise self-control.
Church's Role in Teaching:
The discussion touches on the role of the church in teaching abstinence and purity. Churches should model healthy relationships and provide education on respect, boundaries, and conflict resolution. Youth pastors can play a crucial role in educating teens about healthy relationships and values.
Equality in Relationships:
It's crucial that both males and females are taught that they are made in God's image and deserve respect and dignity.
Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity within the church are issues that need to be addressed. The focus should be on fostering healthy relationships and values, not on controlling or objectifying individuals.
Sins and Cherry-picking:
The discussion explores the idea that some sins are prioritized over others within the church.
All sins should be addressed, not just those related to sexual purity. Gluttony and abuse of power are examples of sins that are sometimes overlooked.
It's important to remember that God's rules are for our well-being, not to restrict us.
Boundaries and Freedom:
God's rules are guidelines for our well-being, rather than limitations on our freedom. Understanding why these rules exist can help individuals embrace them with a positive perspective.
Resources:
Join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/change
 

What Is Your Anger Telling You? Understand and Manage Your Strong Emotions

Title: Empowered Podcast Episode 2 - Managing Anger and Guarding Your Heart During Difficult Times
Introduction
Welcome back to the Empowered Podcast.
In this episode, we delve into the topics of managing anger and guarding your heart during challenging moments.
Leslie and Elise share valuable insights and practical advice.
Handling Anger in Parenting
Leslie shares a personal story of her teenage son challenging her.
Emphasizes not letting emotions hijack your values as a parent.
Discusses the impact of emotions on self-esteem and personal story.
Releasing Anger in a Healthy Way
Elise provides tips on releasing anger from your body in a healthy way.
Deep breathing and prayerfulness in the moment are essential.
Physical activities like running or ice water submersion to calm the nervous system.
Writing letters as a form of emotional release.
Communicating with Children About Anger
Discussing how to communicate with children about anger, especially in challenging situations like divorce.
Emphasizing age-appropriate communication.
Modeling healthy self-care and conflict resolution.
Encouraging honesty without oversharing.
Guarding Your Heart During Divorce
Addressing a listener's question about guarding their heart during divorce, especially in shared church settings.
Stressing the importance of protecting your heart and maintaining discretion.
Not feeling guilty about setting emotional boundaries.
Conclusion
Practical advice on managing anger, communicating with children, and guarding your heart during difficult times.
Prioritizing self-care and emotional well-being.
Join us in the next episode for more empowering insights.
Resources:
Join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/empowered
 

Empowering Women: How to Recognize and Overcome Financial Abuse in Relationships

In this episode, Leslie shares her expertise and guidance on recognizing, addressing, and overcoming financial abuse within intimate partnerships.
Understanding Financial Abuse
Financial abuse involves controlling or manipulating a partner's access to money and resources.
Leslie highlights the importance of recognizing the signs of financial abuse, such as limiting access to funds, monitoring spending, or making unilateral financial decisions.
The Impact of Financial Abuse
Financial abuse has far-reaching consequences, affecting not only your finances but also your emotional and psychological well-being.
Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge the seriousness of financial abuse and its potential to trap victims in unhealthy relationships.
Signs of Financial Abuse
Leslie provides a detailed list of common signs of financial abuse, including withholding money, sabotaging employment, and forcing financial dependence.
Understanding these signs can help individuals identify if they are in an abusive relationship.
Breaking Free from Financial Abuse
Breaking free from financial abuse requires careful planning and support.
Leslie advises listeners to gather evidence, seek legal counsel, and create a safety plan when considering leaving an abusive relationship.
She highlights the importance of having a support network and a therapist to help cope with the emotional challenges.
Navigating Financial Conversations
Open and honest communication is essential for addressing financial abuse.
Leslie offers strategies for initiating conversations with an abusive partner and setting boundaries.
She encourages seeking professional help, such as couples counseling, to address underlying issues.
Empowering Yourself Financially
Financial empowerment involves taking control of your finances and planning for your future.
Leslie recommends consulting with a financial advisor to gain clarity on your financial situation.
She emphasizes the importance of setting financial goals and becoming self-sufficient.
Legal Protection and Resources
Leslie advises victims of financial abuse to consult with an attorney to understand their legal rights and options.
She highlights the role of restraining orders and protective orders in ensuring safety.
Leslie also encourages individuals to access local resources and support organizations for help.
Healing and Recovery
Healing from the trauma of financial abuse takes time and self-compassion.
Leslie emphasizes the importance of seeking therapy or counseling to address emotional scars.
She offers encouragement to survivors, reminding them that healing is possible.
Encouragement and Prayer
Leslie concludes with words of encouragement and a heartfelt prayer for those facing financial abuse.
She encourages listeners to take proactive steps toward healing and freedom.
Resources:
Remember that you have choices, and there are resources and support available to help you on your journey to healing and empowerment.
To join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/story
 

Forgiveness, Self-Care, and Overcoming Substance Abuse

Introduction: In this enlightening podcast episode, we delve deep into the power of forgiveness as a catalyst for personal transformation. Our guest, author Rose Ann Forte, shares her insights and experiences regarding forgiveness, self-care, and substance abuse. 
Key Takeaways:
The Importance of Forgiveness:
Rose Ann emphasizes that forgiveness is not only about forgiving others but also forgiving oneself. It is a cornerstone of the healing process.
When God forgives, He wipes the slate clean and remembers our sins no more, allowing us to move forward without the burden of our past mistakes.
Breaking Free from Shame:
Rose Ann explains that genuine forgiveness, as God intends it, releases us from the shame and guilt associated with our past actions.
She draws parallels to the Apostle Paul, who acknowledged his past sins but no longer felt the shame and self-hatred associated with them after experiencing God's forgiveness.
Healthy Self-Care and Transformation:
Rose Ann highlights the significance of healthy self-care as an alternative to self-destructive behaviors like excessive drinking or substance abuse.
She shares her personal journey of realizing that alcohol was negatively affecting her health and well-being, leading her to prioritize self-care.
Challenging Destructive Habits:
Rose Ann recommends taking a 90-day challenge to go alcohol-free as a form of self-care. This challenge allows individuals to observe positive changes in their physical and emotional well-being.
She emphasizes that it's not about completely forgetting the past but rather breaking free from the emotional baggage associated with it.
Understanding Habitual Sin:
Rose Ann discusses the concept of habitual sin, where certain behaviors or substances become destructive and steal one's time, talent, and treasure.
She encourages individuals to recognize when these behaviors are negatively impacting their lives and seek a healthier path.
Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships:
Rose Ann compares the destructive relationship with alcohol to toxic human relationships. She advises recognizing the similarities and the need to break free from both.
Healthy self-care and self-awareness can help individuals distance themselves from destructive habits and relationships.
You Are Not Alone:
Rose Ann offers support and encouragement to anyone struggling with substance abuse or destructive behaviors, assuring them that they are not alone in their journey.
Conclusion: Forgiveness, whether of oneself or others, is a pivotal component of healing and growth. Rose Ann's insights shed light on how forgiveness can free us from the shackles of shame and lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Taking steps toward healthy self-care and challenging destructive habits can pave the way for transformation and self-discovery. Remember, you are not alone in your journey, and God's forgiveness and love are always available to guide you towards a brighter future.
Resources:
Rose Ann's Daily devotional
Rose Ann's Website
Sign up for Leslie's FREE Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/story
 

Don’t Be Afraid to Flourish

Seeking Guidance and Empowerment
Mentorship from a couple within her denomination.
Realizing her right to financial independence.
Support in confronting deception in her marriage.
Involvement of church leadership in her marital issues.
The Power of Supportive Community
Joining a Bible study and a revealing conversation about divorce.
Articulating the decision to leave her abusive marriage.
Difficulty in deciding to leave due to various abuses endured.
Recognizing the abuse with the help of a friend.
A New Beginning
Pursuit of educational growth, including a bachelor's and master's degree.
Commitment to a slow and steady approach to personal growth.
Desire to help others find their strengths and break destructive cycles.
 Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG)
The role of the Conquer program in setting and achieving BHAGs.
Importance of utilizing resources like Conquer and courses by Leslie Vernick.
Developing a clearer sense of identity and purpose.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Sharing a poignant poem from 2008 reflecting past self-perception.
Contrasting past self with the empowered woman she has become.
Flourishing comes with a price but is worth pursuing.
Resources:www.leslievernick.com
Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start
Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival, and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard by Liz Murray