Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Transforming Through Trials: A Journey of Faith & Growth

In this episode you'll meet Geri, a mentor in the Conquer private membership group. She bravely shares her story of walking through a destructive marriage. 
Lesson on Forgiveness and Reconciliation:
Distinguishing between forgiveness and reconciliation.
The misconception that forgiving automatically means rebuilding a close relationship.
The need for comprehensive understanding of forgiveness in abusive situations.
The Love of God and Malachi 2:16:
Geri's realization about God's love surpassing the institution of marriage.
Reference to Malachi 2:16 and its impact on her perspective.
Emphasizing that God values individuals more than preserving a dysfunctional marriage.
The importance of knowing God's love and protection.
A Supportive Church Community:
Geri's experience with a supportive church community during her divorce.
The role of her pastor in providing guidance and perspective.
The blessing of having a church community that encourages healthy boundaries and protects against abuse.
Differences After Joining Conquer:
Geri reflects on personal changes since joining Conquer.
Transition from self-doubt and insecurity to self-acceptance and inner peace.
No longer relying on external validation for self-worth.
Desire for a future relationship based on a healthier self-perspective.
Preparing for a Healthy Future Relationship:
How Geri's newfound self-awareness will inform future relationships.
The importance of healing personal insecurities and self-development.
Cultivating a God-centered relationship as a foundation for future relationships.
Final Advice for Listeners:
Geri's essential advice for listeners in similar situations.
The importance of pressing into the love of God.
Personalizing Scripture to reinforce God's love for each individual.
Encouraging honesty with oneself and willingness to hear the truth.
Trusting in God's good plan and faithfulness.
Resources:Join Conquer now through October 17th! www.leslievernick.com/join

She Deserves Better: Raising Healthy Daughters

Leslie's special guest on this episode is Sheila Gregoire, author of "She Deserves Better" and "The Great Sex Rescue." Together Sheila and Leslie delve into debunking harmful stereotypes and fostering meaningful connections with your daughters.
Segment 1: Harmful Beliefs About Girls and Their Consequences:
Sheila discusses (and debunks) the damaging belief that girls talk excessively and its adverse effects on their lives.
Explore the potential consequences of buying into this stereotype, including the risk of marrying an abuser.
Segment 2: Nurturing Healthy Communication with Daughters:
Sheila underscores the significance of parents actively listening to their daughters and allowing them to have a voice.
Encourage ongoing and open dialogues, with an emphasis that parents need not be perfect in these conversations.
Parents are encouraged to teach their children the art of respectful disagreement and independent thinking.
Segment 3: Impact of Toxic Relationships on Parenting:
How toxic relationships, particularly abusive marriages, affect parenting.
Sheila emphasizes the importance of recognizing and breaking free from authoritarian and harmful patterns in one's life.
Parents are urged to treat their sons and daughters equitably, imparting values of mutual respect and shared responsibilities.
Delve into setting boundaries and recognizing red flags in relationships.
Segment 4: Parenting Daughters in Healthy Relationships and Non-Negotiables:
Sheila offers valuable advice on parenting daughters and identifies non-negotiables.
Emphasize that daughters should not be instrumentalized to make parents look good but should be recognized as unique individuals.
Encourage parents to provide guidance, maintain open conversations, and embrace imperfections.
Resources:Register for Leslie's free workshop on October 5th, 2023: "If He Doesn't Hit You Is It Still Abuse?" www.leslievernick.com/freetraining
Leslie's website: www.leslievernick.com
Sheila Gregoire's website: www.sheilawraygregoire.com 
Sheila's podcast: Bare Marriage (formerly "To Love, Honor and Vacuum"):

Is Your Relationship Abusive?

No Relationship is perfect. But when does "not perfect" cross the line into abuse? That's the question Leslie answers in today's episode. 
1. Types of Relationships:
Differentiate between difficult, disappointing, and destructive marriages.
Difficulties can bring couples closer if handled maturely.
There are many external stressors in marriages.
2. Disappointing Marriages:
Discuss common expectations that lead to disappointment.
Emphasize the importance of accepting imperfections in a spouse.
3. Recognizing Destructive Relationships:
Define abusive and destructive relationships.
What the Bible teaches about love, harm, and taking responsibility.
If an abusive incident happens, it is very important that the behavior does not continue.  
4. Types of Abuse:
Emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual.
Leslie explains the motivations behind using these abusive tactics, primarily control and power.
What is the impact of abusive tactics on the victim's self-esteem and freedom?
5. Addressing Sexual Abuse:
Misconceptions about sexual abuse in marriage.
Analyze 1 Corinthians 7 and its interpretation regarding consent.
The importance of mutual respect and consent in marital intimacy.
6. Emotional Abuse:
Is "emotional abuse" talked about in the Bible?
The power of words and their impact on individuals.
Scriptural references about the impact of words on relationships.
7. Taking Responsibility:
Leslie and Julie discuss the notion of provocation in abusive relationships.
The reality of individual responsibility for emotional reactions.
Self-awareness and self-improvement is encouraged in order to break the cycle of abuse.
8. Seeking Help:
Guidance for individuals in abusive relationships.
Resources:
Free test to discover if you're in a destructive relationship
Kindle version of Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage"
 

From Broken to Empowered: Debbie’s Story of Surviving Abuse and Rediscovering Faith

In this show Julie Sedenko has a heartfelt conversation with Debbie, a woman who is rebuilding her life after a painful marriage.
 
Part 1: The Early Years and Marriage:
Debbie's background and early life.
How she met her future husband.
The early stages of their relationship and marriage.
Part 2: Recognizing Abuse:
The signs and patterns of emotional and verbal abuse in Debbie's marriage.
How Debbie came to recognize the abuse she was experiencing.
Attempts to seek counseling and the challenges she faced.
Part 3: The Turning Point:
The pivotal moment when Debbie realized she needed to make a change.
Her decision to initiate a separation from her husband.
The impact of this decision on her health and well-being.
Part 4: Finding Support and Healing:
How Debbie discovered Leslie's Conquer membership program.
How Conquer became a crucial source of support and empowerment for Debbie.
The importance of the Conquer community in her healing process.
Part 5: Rebuilding and Moving Forward:
Julie and Debbie discuss the steps Debbie took to rebuild her life after the separation and divorce.
How Debbie found her dream job and pursued her passion for teaching.
Debbie talks about the growth in her faith and her role in a new church community.
A message of hope and resilience for others
RESOURCES: www.leslievernick.com/start

Unhumanable Love: A Journey of Redemption and Restoration in Marriage”

Leslie interviews Jill Savage, host of the No More Perfect Podcast, a creator of online courses, and the author of 14 books, including "No More Perfect Moms" and "No More Perfect Marriages." The episode dives deep into Jill's personal journey of resilience, redemption, and unconditional love in the face of a significant marital detour.
The Marital Detour and Learning to Love Unconditionally:
Jill's husband, Mark, resigned from pastoral ministry after 20 years, a decision that initiated their challenging journey.
The difficulties they faced during a church plant took a toll on both of them.
Mark's personal struggles with self-worth and identity, stemming from his abusive upbringing, contributed to their marital problems.
Depression had been a recurring issue in Mark's life.
Jill describes the emotional detachment and emotional affair that strained their marriage.
She reflects on God's call to love Mark, even when he seemed unlovable.
Boundaries and saying "no" became essential components of her love.
Jill turned to Romans 12:9-21 as her guiding principles during this challenging time.
She aimed to honor Mark as an image bearer, despite his actions.
Jill learned that love isn't always soft; it can also include firm boundaries.
During their separation, Jill displayed grace and love, which Mark later acknowledged.
Heaping burning coals on his head meant allowing him to see his own actions more clearly.
A Journey to Healing and Treating an Image Bearer with Honor:
Jill shares how Mark's personal resurrection on Easter Sunday in 2012 turned their marriage and his life around.
The concept of redemption played a significant role in their journey.
Jill emphasizes that her journey was not about controlling the outcome of her marriage but focusing on who she needed to be in the process.
Leslie highlights the importance of treating a spouse, even during a crisis, as an image bearer.
Jill shares how she maintained honor and respect for Mark despite his behavior.
Loving unconditionally often includes setting boundaries and holding the other person accountable for their actions.
The Unhumanable Love and The Power of Keeping Your Side of the Street Clean:
Jill reflects on the term "unhumanable love" and how it became a central theme in her journey.
She explains how this type of love is beyond human capability and can only be achieved through faith in Christ.
Jill's actions and love towards Mark made him realize the depth of her love and grace.
Leslie and Jill discuss the importance of maintaining personal integrity and avoiding retaliation.
Focusing on one's actions and growth can lead to a clearer path to reconciliation.
Jill shares personal anecdotes about times when she struggled with anger and imperfection during this process.
Conclusion:
Jill's journey is a testament to the power of love, grace, and redemption in the face of marital challenges.
The importance of maintaining personal integrity and heaping burning coals on the other's head is a valuable lesson.
Healing and restoration require effort from both parties, but unconditional love can be transformative.
RESOURCESWalking in Core Strength group coaching program: www.leslievernick.com/strength
Jill Savage: www.jillsavage.org
www.leslievernick.com

”Ask Leslie” Part 2: Speaking Up in a Destructive Relationship

In this episode, Leslie & Julie discuss the following listener questions/topics:
How does staying calm help others see their own behavior more clearly?
What distinguishes appropriate reactions from inappropriate ones?
How should one handle a spouse who insists on arguing in front of children?
What advice can you provide for overcoming the fear of speaking up and handling criticism?
How can one respond to a spouse who uses profanity and initiates fights?
What strategies can be employed to address criticism and communication shutdowns?
How do you balance assertiveness with expressing love in a relationship?
How does personal healing and growth impact communication patterns?
What steps can one take to recognize control and choose battles wisely?
How can difficult conversations be handled in a productive and empathetic manner?
How do you address resistance to feedback and constructive criticism in relationships?
RESOURCES: Walking in Core Strength: www.leslievernick.com/strength

”Ask Leslie” Speaking Up in a Destructive Marriage

In this episode, Julie Sedenko & Leslie Vernick discuss the importance and the challenges of speaking up in relationships, particularly in difficult or destructive marriages.
The Challenge of Speaking Up:
In destructive marriages, speaking up can be scary and unsafe.
Balancing the need to speak up for oneself with the potential negative responses.
Referencing Matthew 7, where Jesus warns about casting pearls before swine.
The Value of Learning to Speak Up:
Emphasizing the importance of speaking up for oneself in mature relationships.
The need for effective communication to build healthier relationships.
Acknowledging that speaking up doesn't always mean speaking in the heat of the moment.
Guidelines for Speaking Up:
The wisdom of using biblical teachings to navigate different situations.
Differentiating between speaking about someone else's behavior and one's own feelings.
Self-reflection is important before addressing others' behaviors.
Approach others with humility and understanding.
Navigating Difficult Conversations:
How to keep things calm when a partner isn't interested in listening or finding solutions.
A different approach to asking about their perspective on a healthy marriage.
Recognizing contradictory expectations about marriage and communication.
Preparing for Meaningful Conversations:
The importance of preparation and groundwork before discussing sensitive topics.
The significance of speaking with love.
Balancing truth with love to avoid coming across as harsh.
Hard conversations require personal preparation for effective communication.
The Five Levels of Conversation:
Superficial chitchat.
Sharing news and facts.
Sharing personal thoughts and ideas.
Sharing feelings.
Sharing one's essence and deepest self.
Creating a Safe Space for Conversations:
Understanding potential reasons for a partner's escalation or shutdown.
Addressing a partner's potential fear of feeling incompetent.
Encouraging compassion and patience in understanding each other's limitations.
Comparing emotional intimacy to physical intimacy.
Overcoming Resistance and Creating Safety
What happens when one partner resists opening up or having deep conversations. 
Establishing a safe space is crucial. This can be done through various boundaries and techniques. 
Balancing Expectations and Reality
Sometimes partners have different communication styles and comfort levels. 
Understanding your partner’s background, upbringing, and communication patterns can help bridge the gap. 
Recognize that not all conversations need to be extensive or immediate. Patience and consistency are key.
Navigating Disagreements and Escalation
How to handle situations when a conversation has escalated. 
Emphasize mutual respect and recognize when emotions are becoming heated.
Resources:Walking in Core Strength Group Coaching Program: www.leslievernick.com/strength
Love Talk Starters: 275 Questions to Get Your Conversations Going by Les & Leslie Parrott

Breaking Free: A Journey from Destructive Marriage to Hopeful Healing

In this episode of "Relationship Truth Unfiltered," join host Julie Sedenko in a powerful conversation with Kim, a courageous woman who shares her story of transformation from a brutally destructive marriage marred by serial infidelity and emotional abuse. Kim's journey of discovering the truth, finding her self-worth, and rebuilding her life offers hope and inspiration to women facing similar challenges.
From the struggles of uncovering deception to the healing process of breaking free and eventually finding love and acceptance, Kim's story reminds us of the importance of recognizing our own value, seeking support, and embracing the potential for positive change.
 
Uncovering the Destructive Marriage
Kim's Experience: Victim of Serial Infidelity and Emotional Abuse
Dealing with Confusion and Suspicion in the Marriage
Living in Denial and Silent Suffering
Unearthing Clues and Inappropriate Behavior
Coping with Deception and Anonymous Infidelity
Struggles of Identifying Anonymity and Facing Denial
Kim's Inner Struggles: Dealing with Shame and Silence
The Emotional Toll and Breaking Points
Emotional Impact of Discovering Infidelity and Betrayal
Coping with Emotional Abuse and Trauma
Living with Fear and Anxiety in the Marriage
The Silent Suffering and Desperation of Seeking Answers
Wrestling with Values and Church Influence
Conflicts between Religious Beliefs and Personal Well-being
Coping with Conservative Church Teachings on Divorce
Kim's Internal Struggle: Balancing Family Values and Personal Safety
Overcoming Societal Expectations and Finding Self-Worth
Discovering Truth and Seeking Healing
The Turning Point: Finding Leslie Vernick's Book
Kim's Revelation: Recognizing the Destructive Patterns
Lessons from Leslie Vernick's Coaching Groups: Empowered to Change, Walking in Core Strength, and Conquer
Preparing for a New Journey
Learning to Value Oneself and Seek Safety
Overcoming Destructive Thought Patterns
Finding a Healthy Love After a Destructive Marriage
The Transition from Victim to Survivor and Thriver
Embracing a New Beginning
Kim's Journey to a Healthy Relationship
Night and Day Difference: Old Marriage vs. New Marriage
Transitioning from Idolizing Marriage to Finding Personal Wholeness
The Importance of Focusing on Safety and Healing First
Advice for Those in Similar Situations
Face the Truth and Seek Safety
Take Time to Make Decisions
Acknowledge the Painful Process of Transformation
The Precious New Life on the Other Side of Struggle
Continuing the Healing Journey
Accepting Imperfection and Continuing Personal Growth
Dealing with Triggers and Self-Esteem Issues
The Lifelong Process of Overcoming Deep-Seated Patterns
Empowering Women to Embrace Their Worth and Seek Healing

Gymnast & Dr. Nassar Abuse Survivor Addresses Sexual Abuse in Churches

Empowering Survivors and Shining Light: Addressing Abuse in Churches
Introduction:
Guest: Rachel Denhollander - attorney, author, advocate, educator.
Role in exposing sexual abuse, notably Dr. Larry Nassar's abuse in USA Gymnastics.
Highlighting the importance of discussing abuse in religious contexts.
Rachel's Background:
Pursuit of justice against Dr. Larry Nassar.
Over 300 survivors, including Olympic medalists, came forward.
Book "What's a Girl Worth?" recounts her journey and exposes the truth.
Collaboration on "churchcares.com" for educating church leaders on abuse and trauma.
Importance of Speaking Up:
Debunking the misconception about survivors' reluctance to speak up.
The lack of safe avenues for disclosing abuse.
Community responses and institutional support as empowering factors.
Role of media coverage in enabling survivors to share their stories.
The Role of Church Leaders:
Creating safe spaces for survivors within religious communities.
Misunderstandings within the church about unity, authority, justice, and forgiveness.
Theological views hindering appropriate responses to abuse.
Need for education among church leaders about abuse dynamics and trauma.
Value and Worth:
Discussion on devaluation of women's worth and expectations of suffering.
Motivation behind Rachel's books "What's a Girl Worth?" and "What's a Little Girl Worth?"
Initiating conversations with children about identity, value, and speaking out against abuse.
Personal Experience:
Insights from Rachel's memoir revealing challenges of speaking out against abuse.
Unveiling legal processes, abuse dynamics, and survivor trauma.
Acknowledging the privilege and difficulties of supporting survivors.
Progress in Churches:
Positive changes in churches' responses to abuse survivors.
Establishing support systems, offering resources, and standing with survivors.
Understanding the hurdles survivors face in seeking justice.
Highlighting the Positive:
Intentionality and Learning: Pastors seeking knowledge about trauma despite lack of formal training.
Engaging Difficult Topics: Addressing abuse, oppression, and trauma in sermons to foster communication.
Empowering Survivors: Creating safe spaces for sharing stories, fostering healing and support.
Practical Support: Providing legal fees, counseling, resources, and tangible assistance.
Championing Transparency: Standing against silencing tactics, supporting survivors' public speaking.
Advocacy and Legislation: Pastors engaging in legislative efforts to criminalize clergy abuse.
Final Words of Wisdom:
For Survivors: Worth is not defined by others' actions, find hope in the existence of light.
For Supporters: Stand with the vulnerable, embodying Christ's love and care.
Closing Prayer: A heartfelt prayer for comfort, advocacy, and justice for survivors.
Resources:
www.racheldenhollander.com 
www.leslievernick.com 
Sign up for Leslie's free webinar on August 17th! It's titled,
“I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay: Defining My Problem, Your Problem, and Our Problem.”
Leslie will even answer your questions - live! Register at www.leslievernick.com/ok 
 

Biblical Headship & Submission

Introduction:
The importance of mutual respect and understanding in a partnership.
Part 1: Understanding Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics
Traditional perspectives on gender roles and submission in relationships.
Misconceptions around submission and headship.
The danger of oppressive relationships and their impact on women's well-being.
The need for women to reclaim their identity and voice.
Part 2: Communicating and Asserting Boundaries
The importance of respectful communication in relationships.
Healthy mutual decision-making in relationships.
Potential consequences of asserting oneself in an unhealthy relationship.
The importance of being a God-centered woman rather than a husband-centered one.