Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Why Churches Resist Abuse Ministry

RESOURCES
Leslie's Quick Start Guide
Brad Hambrick's Blog: Why Is It So Hard to Have Constructive Conversations About Abuse?Church Cares
American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)
Equip
Show Notes: Why Churches Resist Abuse Ministry
IntroductionHave you ever wondered why churches sometimes hesitate or even resist addressing abuse within their congregations? In today’s episode, Leslie Vernick unpacks this difficult but vital question. She shares her years of experience working with churches and individuals to create safer spaces for those harmed by abuse. Whether you’ve felt dismissed by your church, or you’re striving to bring change, this conversation offers clarity, hope, and practical steps forward. Together, we’ll explore why this resistance exists, what’s changing, and how we can be part of the solution.
Key Takeaways
1. The History of Church Resistance to Abuse Ministry
In the past, many churches believed abuse wasn’t a problem among Christians, leading to unsafe environments for children and vulnerable members.
Change was driven largely by legal and financial accountability rather than a proactive desire for safety.
Churches must recognize the reality of abuse and embrace preventative measures as part of their mission to love and protect their people.
2. The Misconceptions That Fuel Resistance
Many church leaders empathize more with the fear of false accusations than with victims’ lived experiences, despite false reports being rare.
Misunderstandings about what constitutes abuse—such as emotional or sexual abuse within marriage—prevent churches from addressing it effectively.
3. The Role of Leadership in Healthy Relationships
Biblical headship is about servant leadership, not power or control. Healthy leaders use their influence to empower and uplift others, reflecting Christ’s example.
Submission, as taught in Scripture, is a voluntary act rooted in mutual love and respect—not coercion or oppression.
4. Why Individual Healing Must Precede Marriage Work
Starting with marriage counseling in abusive situations often leads to failure. Individual healing for both parties is essential before addressing the relationship.
Churches can support this process by encouraging personal growth and connecting individuals with appropriate resources.
5. Resources to Equip Churches for Better Ministry
Free tools like the Church Cares Curriculum provide essential training for addressing abuse.
Leslie’s EQUIP group offers ongoing support and education for pastors, counselors, and leaders seeking to handle abuse well.
A Personal InvitationIf you’re a church leader, counselor, or someone who wants to advocate for healthier, safer relationships in your community, take the next step. Visit LeslieVernick.com to learn more about EQUIP and access resources designed to empower leaders and protect the vulnerable.
Change is possible when we open our hearts to God’s guidance and truly listen to the pain of those around us. If you’ve been hurt by the church or feel overwhelmed as a leader, know that God sees you and desires healing and growth.
Listen to the full episode now and share it with your pastor or church leader! Together, we can foster safer, healthier communities.

Hidden in Plain Sight: Recognizing Emotional Abuse in Marriage

Hear this raw conversation with Julie Sedenko and Jessica about recognizing and escaping covert abuse in her Christian marriage
RESOURCES
Leslie Vernick's website
Leslie's Quick Start Guide
The Relationship Timeline
Love bombing during dating phase
Emotional regulation issues during engagement
Marriage lasted 2 years
Ended with 6-week separation
Red Flags & Patterns
Husband proud of his "manipulation talent"
Consistent gaslighting and emotional control
Sexual addiction disclosed pre-wedding
Financial dependence despite her being primary breadwinner
Isolation from family and friends
Turning Points
The wedding incident revealing deeper issues
Writing "the letter" that sparked change
Breaking point during Bible study
Understanding God's word "faithful" in new light
Finding Help
Leslie Vernick's teachings
CORE program principles
Conquer program
Church community support

The Scriptural Case for Women's Value with Elyse Fitzpatrick

Resources:Elyse Fitzpatrick's websiteElyse's BooksLeslie's WebsiteLeslie's Quick Start GuideIn this episode, Leslie Vernick talks with Elyse Fitzpatrick the author of over 25 books on Christian living. Elyse holds a master's degree in biblical counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary and is a popular conference speaker and grandmother to six.
Discussing 'Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women':
Overview of Elyse's book 'Worthy.'
The book celebrates the value of women in the church and society.
The inspiration behind writing 'Worthy.'
Writing and Reception:
Elyse's experiences around 2019-2020 that led to writing the book.
Conversation with Paul Tripp and reading a blog post by Eric Shoemaker.
The unexpected pushback received from various groups, including church leaders.
Handling Pushback:
The surprising amount of resistance to the book's message.
Criticisms, including the apparent lack of focus on traditional gender roles.
Shock and discouragement faced, even being disinvited from conferences and losing publishing contracts.
The Biblical Value of Women:
Discussion on the value of women as depicted in the Bible.
Examples such as Hagar and the significance of her story in Genesis.
Cultural and Church Challenges:
Examination of the church’s fear of women having power.
The issue of power dynamics and the misuse of spiritual teachings to control.
Lessons from the Bible:
Biblical accounts demonstrating God's use and valuing of women.
Stories of women like Eve, Hagar, and Mary of Bethany.
Women as Co-laborers in Faith:
The importance of recognizing women as equal contributors to the faith.
Challenges women face in being seen as more than just traditional roles.
Jesus' Treatment of Women:
Examples from the New Testament showing Jesus' respect and care for women.
Stories of Jesus protecting and valuing women.
Resistance and Reconciliation:
Different responses to sin and accountability between David and Saul.
Importance of genuine repentance and the recognition of women's value in the community.

Reconcilation: Ready or Not?

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick tackle the tough topic of reconciliation. If you've ever wondered when or if you should reconcile in a relationship, this episode is for you. They discuss everything from the reasons why someone might separate to how to know if it's really the right time to come back together.
Why Separate?
Leslie talks about the big reasons people choose to separate—from safety concerns to ongoing negative behavior and its impact.
Separation as a Wake-Up Call
Separation can sometimes be a wake-up call. How do you know if it's working?
Spotting Real Change
It's not just about saying sorry. How do you know your partner has really changed and is ready to reconcile?
Legal Stuff You Need to Know
Separation isn't just emotional—there are legal aspects to consider. Make sure you're protected.
Grace and Boundaries
How do you balance giving grace with setting boundaries? We discuss what you can tolerate and what’s a deal-breaker.
When It's Just Not Going to Work
Sometimes, reconciliation isn’t possible. Leslie explains when you should consider calling it quits.

Promise of Peace: Navigating Christmas When Relationships Hurt

This episode, recorded last Christmas, is a reminder that you can find peace in God's presence this Christmas... even if you're dealing with a destructive relationship. In this episode, Leslie & Julie share memories of Christmas debacles and difficulties as well as very practical tips for being your best self during the holidays. Rest assured, friend, there is HOPE! He was born and He is risen. Merry Christmas!!

Break Free From the Breakdown Mindset

Importance of Mindset
Discusses the critical role of mindset in making real changes.
Leslie explains the difference between breakdown and breakthrough mindsets.
Uses biblical examples like Esther and Joseph to illustrate points.
Breakdown Mindset
Leslie describes what a breakdown mindset is.
Explains its effects using stories of people stuck in victim mentality.
Denial of Reality
Leslie explains how people deny reality to avoid suffering.
Shares examples of false spirituality and its impact on lives.
Personal Story of Grief
Julie shares a personal story about her sister’s tragic death and subsequent family losses.
Discusses the weight of grief and the common but unhelpful reactions from others.
Steps to Breakthrough Mindset
Leslie talks about distinguishing between healthy grieving and a breakdown.
Emphasizes finding meaning in suffering.
Shares the importance of perspective and purpose in tragedy.
Breakthrough Mindset
Leslie explains what a breakthrough mindset looks like.
Provides personal and real-world examples of people converting loss into meaningful actions.
Practical Techniques
Leslie provides practical steps and mindset shifts.
Includes tracking thoughts and noticing the stories we tell ourselves.
Importance of Self-Growth
Stresses the importance of self-growth and taking responsibility for one’s mindset.
Mentions the Empowered to Change group as a resource for developing a noble self.
Empowered to Change
Details about the Empowered to Change group:
Its role in personal growth.
How it helps women navigate difficult times by focusing on individual growth and mindset shifts.
Prayer and Encouragement
Leslie ends with a prayer for women in a breakdown mindset.
 
 

Reclaiming Her Life: Mary's Fight

Resources:
Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/empowered
Darby Strickland https://www.darbystrickland.com/ 
In this heart-wrenching and inspirational episode, Mary shares her powerful story of overcoming decades of abuse. From her tumultuous marriages to finding the strength to rebuild her life, listeners will be moved and motivated to find resilience in their own struggles.
Mary's Background
Insights into Mary’s early life and personal history.
Brief mention of her age and pride in overcoming challenges.
First Marriage
The emotional and psychological abuse Mary experienced.
Efforts to maintain a normal home and protect her children.
Her husband’s eventual abandonment.
Second Marriage
Initial optimism and eventual realization of failure.
The additional challenges and learning experiences.
Discovering Leslie's Materials
How Mary found and began engaging with Leslie’s resources.
The impact of biblical evidence and therapy on her decisions.
Applying Knowledge and Therapy
Practical steps Mary took to apply Leslie’s teachings.
Collaboration with her PTSD therapist to understand and confront abuse.
Personal Achievements and Growth
Overcoming past abuses and achieving significant personal milestones.
Her educational pursuits and the establishment of a discipleship group.
Aspirations to start an autism center.
Balancing Commitments
Struggles and strategies for maintaining a balanced life.
Learning to prioritize and manage commitments without overextending.
The Role of Counseling
The necessity and importance of having a supportive counselor.
Perseverance in finding the right match for counseling.
Practical advice for those experiencing abuse and seeking help.
Final Thoughts
Encouragement for listeners to seek help and realize their value.
Empowering message to those feeling defeated by ongoing abuse.

Habits for a Healthier Mind

RESOURCES:Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop on December 5th!Honey Lake ClinicLeslie's Quick Start GuideIn this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick chats with Dr. Karl Benzio about integrating faith and psychiatric science for healing and better decision-making. Dr. Benzio, from Honey Lake Clinic, shares his journey and practical tools like the SPEARS model to help improve mental health and relationships. Don't miss this insightful conversation!
Personal Story
Karl's journey of struggle and redemption
Early Influences
Childhood challenges and the impact of faith
Faith and Psychiatry
Integrating science and faith for healing
Practical Advice for Decision-Making
Empowering godly decisions in tough relationships
SPEARS Decision Making
Overview of the SPEARS decision-making model
Role of Relationships and Maintenance
Importance of daily psychological and spiritual upkeep

Embrace the Past, Write the Future: Alyson's Story

RESOURCESRegister for Leslie's Free Workshop December 5th!www.leslievernick.com/story 
Leslie's Quick Start Guidewww.leslievernick.com/start
 
In this episode, Julie Sedenko sits down with Alyson Zurek, who opens up about her tumultuous life marked by three marriages, a traumatic brain injury, and childhood trauma.
From early instability and maternal abandonment to overcoming abusive relationships and exploring emotional recovery, Alyson shares her story of resilience and healing.
She discusses how finding faith and joining supportive communities like Conquer helped her reclaim her life and peace of mind. The conversation serves as a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit and offers hope for those in similar struggles.

The Church's Role in Combating Domestic Violence

Resources
Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start 
Chris Moles' Website & Resources: https://www.chrismoles.org/ 
Theology of Suffering and Authority
Discussion on imbalance of theology related to suffering and authority
Magnification of male headship and sacrifice over safety and protection of the oppressed
Lack of focus on misuse and cautions of authority
Abuse of Authority and Accountability
Constituted and delegated authority in the church
Power comes with responsibility and accountability
The church's duty to hold authority figures accountable for misuse
Jesus' Teachings on Leadership
Jesus' warnings against the misuse of authority
Connection to domestic abuse involving various forms of power and control
The church's slow response to addressing these abuses
Restoration and Consequences of Sin
Biblical references to power under versus power over
The role of accountability and honesty in theological commitments
Expectation of servant leadership and its importance
Hope for Marriages Affected by Domestic Abuse
Finding hope and change through the gospel
The focus on individual safety and sanity over marital restoration
Importance of setting boundaries and personal growth for both partners
Domestic Abuse: Definitions and Dynamics
Misuse of power and patterns of coercive behavior
The importance of recognizing power dynamics in abuse
Differentiating between isolated acts and ongoing patterns of control
Can Women Be Abusive?
Acknowledgment of women's potential for abusive behavior
Differences in power dynamics and impact between men and women
Examples of women abusing power in certain contexts
Nonviolent Resistance and Personal Agency
Encouraging nonviolent forms of resistance
The significance of maintaining dignity and agency
Practical advice on resisting control without escalating violence