When Loving Him Hurts: Navigating Neurodivergence, Abuse, and Ministry Expectations

Is It Neurodivergence… or Abuse? One Woman’s Journey to Truth and Freedom

What do you do when the man you married is beloved by everyone, but you’re falling apart behind closed doors? When he’s neurodivergent—and you want to be compassionate—but you’re the one carrying the entire weight of the marriage, ministry, and motherhood?

In this deeply moving episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with life coach, neurodiversity advocate, and former missionary Jenilee Goodwin. Jenilee courageously shares her story of being in a 23-year emotionally destructive marriage while also navigating the challenges of ministry, chronic illness, and parenting neurodivergent children.

Her journey—from burnout and confusion to clarity and empowerment—will resonate with every woman who’s ever asked: Is it really that bad… or am I just not trying hard enough?

With honesty, wisdom, and deep spiritual insight, Jenilee walks us through the complexities of differentiating neurodivergent limitations from emotionally abusive behavior, and how she found the strength to obey God—even when it meant letting go of everything she’d built.

Key Takeaways

1. Neurodivergence vs. Destructive Behavior: How to Discern the Difference

Jenilee explains how difficult it was to separate her husband’s ADHD and possible autism from his emotionally abusive behaviors. The turning point? Realizing that neurodivergence doesn’t excuse a lack of empathy, unwillingness to change, or repeated disregard for her well-being. Diagnosis is not a license for disrespect.

2. When Ministry Expectations Keep You Stuck

As a pastor’s wife and missionary, Jenilee felt enormous pressure to keep up appearances. But when her health began to deteriorate and her husband refused to share the load, she had to make a painful decision: obey the institutional church… or obey God’s whisper to “stop.”

3. You Are Not His Body and Brain

Jenilee describes the crushing emotional and mental labor she carried for her husband—being his memory, his planner, his spiritual leader—until she said no more. When she stopped overfunctioning, things crumbled… but clarity and healing finally began.

4. Obedience to God Sometimes Looks Like Letting Go

The lie that godly women must sacrifice themselves no matter what is one that keeps many stuck in harmful marriages. Jenilee shares how stepping into obedience—choosing truth over appearances—led to both heartbreak and unexpected joy.

5. Your Body Keeps the Score—But God Holds the Pen

From MS and fibromyalgia to chronic fatigue, Jenilee’s body bore the cost of the emotional toll she carried for years. But after she stopped rescuing her husband and started caring for herself, healing began—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Closing Encouragement

Sister, you are not selfish for needing rest. You are not ungodly for drawing boundaries. You are not breaking your marriage—you are breaking free from patterns that are breaking you. Obedience to God may feel like a fire, but on the other side is freedom, clarity, and healing.

Don’t wait until your body forces you to stop. Listen to that still, small voice. God is calling you into truth—and into life.

You can do this. We’re walking with you.