Monday Jul 01, 2024

The Connection Between Trauma and People Pleasing

Leslie's People Pleasing Course

In this episode, Julie and Leslie explore the connection between trauma and people-pleasing habits. They discuss how past experiences can lead us to prioritize others' approval over our own well-being. Through real-life stories and practical tips, they empower listeners to break free from these patterns, find their voice, and foster more authentic connections.

Why Understanding the Connection is Important

  • Childhood patterns: Survival mechanisms that may not serve us well in adulthood
  • Impact of unresolved trauma on adult relationships and well-being

Signs of People-Pleasing Behavior

  • Difficulty saying no, anxiety when refusing requests
  • Constantly seeking approval, compromising personal values

Roots of Negative People-Pleasing Behavior

  • Relationship trauma: Abuse, neglect, abandonment
  • Response mechanisms: Fight, flight, freeze, fawn

Personal Experiences with People-Pleasing

  • Leslie Vernick's journey: Balancing pleasing others with self-care and values

Setting Boundaries

  • Importance of identity and responsibility in setting boundaries
  • Practical examples: Saying no without guilt, prioritizing self-care

Strategies for Healing from Past Trauma

  • Recognizing trauma's impact on decision-making and relationships
  • Taking responsibility for personal healing and growth


  • Importance of internal healing for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing
  • Steps towards self-awareness, setting boundaries, and healing from trauma

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