Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Relationship Truth: Unfiltered is a place for people of faith to find real answers when it comes to destructive relationships. Leslie Vernick is the author of seven books, including the best-selling, ”The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.” She has dedicated her life to cutting through the religious confusion and teaching women to grow in their relationships: with God, with themselves, and with others.

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Episodes

3 days ago


Podcast Show Notes: Managing Emotions and Conflict Resolution
In this comprehensive discussion on managing emotions and resolving conflicts, various tools and strategies are explored to navigate challenging conversations and maintain healthy relationships.
Understanding Emotional Responses:
The conversation begins by acknowledging the complexity of emotional responses, especially in high-conflict situations.
Emotions like frustration and desperation often arise when individuals feel unheard or invalidated by the other party.
Tools for Emotional Regulation:
Practical tools are discussed for managing strong emotions during difficult conversations.
Grounding oneself internally is emphasized, highlighting the importance of not overly relying on external factors for emotional stability.
Preparation for Conflict:
Prior preparation for conflict is recommended, including affirming internally that one's validation doesn't depend on the other party's approval.
Setting boundaries around communication and emotional engagement is crucial for maintaining composure during heated discussions.
Biblical Principles in Conflict Resolution:
The discussion incorporates biblical teachings on conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of gentle communication and avoiding harsh words.
Anecdotes are shared to illustrate how calm and empathetic responses can defuse tense situations.
Addressing Lingering Relationship Issues:
The conversation shifts to addressing unresolved issues within relationships, such as past infidelity.
The importance of acknowledging the impact of past actions and showing compassion for the affected party is emphasized.
Individual Responsibility vs. Relationship Dynamics:
While individuals are responsible for their own healing and emotional well-being, genuine efforts from both parties are necessary for resolving relationship issues.
Seeking professional help for unresolved trauma or emotional distress is encouraged, alongside self-reflection for personal growth.
Conclusion:
This comprehensive discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and compassionate communication in navigating challenging conversations and resolving conflicts within relationships.
Practical strategies are integrated with biblical principles to provide a holistic approach to emotional regulation and conflict resolution.
 
Resources:Sign up for Walking in Core Strength - www.leslievernick.com/strength
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
JADE stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain, a tool to recognize unproductive patterns in arguments.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm, a method for managing communication in contentious situations.
 
 

Empowering You to Thrive

Monday Feb 19, 2024

Monday Feb 19, 2024

Julie and Coach Diana answer all your questions about Walking in Core Strength... and offer valuable insights you can apply to your life today.
Understanding Core Strength: Diana explains how Walking in Core Strength focuses on nurturing maturity and rediscovering one's identity rooted in Christ.
Unveiling Destructive Patterns: Learn how the program helps women identify and challenge destructive beliefs and behaviors.
Cultivating Empowerment: Discover the importance of setting healthy boundaries and taking responsibility for personal growth and well-being.
Embracing Faith and Transformation: Hear about the supportive community and deep Christian fellowship that participants experience in the program.
Taking the Next Step: Interested listeners can sign up for Walking in Core Strength at www.leslievernick.com/strength and embark on a journey of faith-based empowerment and transformation.
Join Julie and Diana as they explore the life-changing potential of Walking in Core Strength and invite Christian women to step into a renewed sense of purpose and freedom.
To learn more and sign up for the program, visit www.leslievernick.com/strength.

Monday Feb 12, 2024

Topic: Reconciling After Separation
In this episode, we discuss a question regarding reconciliation after a 34-year marriage marred by issues of pornography and verbal abuse. Despite the challenges, both individuals have made personal progress over the years and are now contemplating the possibility of reuniting.
Key Points:
Assessing Individual Growth:
One crucial aspect is evaluating individual growth and whether both parties have made positive changes over the years.
It's essential to consider if the person seeking reconciliation has demonstrated genuine efforts to address past issues, such as seeking therapy or counseling.
Exploring Expectations:
Questions about expectations for the future arise, including whether the desire to reconcile stems from genuine personal growth or external pressures.
Both individuals should reflect on their personal desires and needs, independent of society's or family's expectations.
Establishing Boundaries:
Setting boundaries is crucial, especially regarding behaviors that contributed to the initial separation, such as pornography use or verbal abuse.
Both parties must demonstrate respect for each other's boundaries and be willing to uphold them consistently.
Testing Compatibility:
Before considering moving back in together, it's advisable to test compatibility through short-term arrangements or trial periods.
Spending extended time together, such as weekends or vacations, can provide insight into whether reconciliation is viable in the long run.
Prioritizing Self-Care:
Individuals should prioritize their own well-being and personal growth throughout the reconciliation process.
This includes maintaining boundaries, seeking support from a community or therapist, and engaging in self-reflection.
Conclusion: Deciding whether to reconcile after a significant separation involves careful introspection, communication, and a commitment to personal growth. It's essential for both parties to prioritize their well-being and assess compatibility before making any long-term decisions.
Resources:
Video: When to Separate and When to Reconcile
For men seeking resources on personal growth and relationship improvement, Chris Moles and Andrew Bauman offer valuable insights and support.
Books such as "How Not to Be a Jerk in Your Marriage" by Andrew Bauman provide practical guidance for men navigating relationship challenges and personal growth.
The book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 can help individuals develop emotional intelligence and strengthen interpersonal relationships.
If you are a man who wants to change: video. 
Disclaimer: Individual circumstances vary, and the decision to reconcile should be based on careful consideration of personal needs, boundaries, and compatibility. 

Monday Feb 05, 2024

In this poignant and candid episode of "Relationship Truth, Unfiltered," Leslie's guest, Mark Savage bares his soul as he shares his extraordinary journey from the depths of a devastating affair to the triumphant rebuilding of trust with his spouse, Jill. Mark takes us through the challenges of personal growth, honest conflict resolution, and celebrating individual strengths within their marriage. This episode serves as a powerful testament to Mark's inspiring story of redemption and resilience, offering a beacon of hope for those looking to break free from destructive relationship patterns and embark on the path to a brighter, trust-filled future.
Introduction
Introduce the episode with a brief overview of the topic and the guest, Mark Savage.
Highlight the significance of rebuilding trust in a relationship and the journey towards becoming a trustworthy person.
Mark Savage's Personal Journey
Discuss Mark's personal journey of transformation and the challenges he faced.
Emphasize the commitment and difficulty involved in making profound changes.
Jill's Growth and "Inviting with Love"
Explain how Jill, Mark's spouse, played a crucial role in their healing journey.
Discuss Jill's commitment to personal growth and her approach of "inviting with love" to encourage Mark's return home.
Rebuilding Trust and Accountability
Explore the strategies and decisions Mark and Jill implemented to rebuild trust.
Highlight their commitment to healthy conflict resolution and open communication.
Mention their practice of reading books together to facilitate growth and understanding.
Explain the shift in accountability, where Mark took more responsibility for his actions and decisions.
Becoming Trustworthy and Embracing Strengths
Discuss Mark's personal transformation, his self-acceptance, and newfound confidence.
Highlight the importance of celebrating each other's strengths within a marriage.
Emphasize the evolution from rebuilding trust to becoming trustworthy.
Connecting with Mark and Jill
Direct listeners to Mark and Jill's website, MarkandJill.org, for more information on their ministries, courses, and resources.
Provide Mark's email address, mark@JamSavageMinistries.org, for direct contact and inquiries.
Closing Prayer
Share a heartfelt prayer for the podcast listeners, asking for hope, grace, and mercy in their journeys.
Conclude with a message of hope, highlighting the possibility of breaking free from destructive relationship patterns.
Resources
Sign up for Leslie's free webinar Tuesday, February 13th. Just go to: www.leslievernick.com/OKwww.MarkandJill.org 
I Really Messed Up and No More Perfect Marriages books can be found at www.MarkandJill.org/books
www.rebuildingtrust.us  
www.markandjill.org
mark@jamsavageministries.org 
Other Resources
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

Monday Jan 29, 2024

In this podcast episode, Julie Sedenko talks to Traci, a member of Leslie Vernick's Conquer support group, about her experiences in a destructive marriage and her journey towards healing and self-discovery.
Traci opens up about her traumatic childhood, raised by a single mother who struggled with addiction and neglect.
She shares how her early life experiences, including abuse and gaslighting from her mother, influenced her perceptions of relationships.
Traci talks about her first marriage, which ended amicably, and how she entered her second marriage with hope and optimism.
She discusses the red flags she overlooked in her second marriage, such as her husband's emotional unavailability and inappropriate relationships with other women.
Traci highlights the importance of seeking counseling and finding support when facing a destructive marriage.
She reflects on her journey of self-discovery, growth, and faith in God, leading to her healing and peace.
Traci's story is a testament to resilience and the power of faith and self-worth in overcoming challenging circumstances.

Monday Jan 22, 2024

Welcome to this episode where we tackle the tough topic of sexual addiction. Julie Sedenko chats with relationship expert Leslie Vernick, and they dig deep into the emotions and challenges involved. If you or someone you know is dealing with a similar situation, stay tuned for some valuable insights and practical tips.
Understanding Anger:
Julie discusses the challenges faced by individuals dealing with a spouse's sexual addiction.
Leslie emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing anger as a valid emotion in this situation.
Part 1: Dealing with Anger
Leslie shares insights on how individuals can manage their anger constructively when facing a spouse's sexual addiction.
The discussion covers the significance of not suppressing anger and finding healthy outlets for it.
Suggestions include venting to a friend, counselor, or support group, as well as engaging in activities like writing, physical exercise, or even crying to release emotional tension.
The importance of recognizing that anger is a signal that something is wrong and can provide the energy needed for positive change is emphasized.
Retaliating against the spouse's actions is discouraged, and the focus is on constructive ways to handle anger.
Part 2: Seeking Help and Making Choices
The conversation emphasizes the need for support and the importance of setting boundaries to protect one's well-being.
Encouragement is given to the spouse with the addiction to seek help and support.
Leslie addresses the question of whether it's possible for someone to truly overcome sexual addiction and explains the need for ongoing support and accountability.
The importance of making choices and reframing one's perspective is discussed.
A shift from asking, "Why is this happening to me?" to "Why is this happening for me?" is encouraged.
The conclusion emphasizes that individuals are capable of handling difficult situations and emotions and encourages seeking support and resources to cope with anger while navigating this challenging journey.
Conclusion:
Individuals can do hard things, and there are people willing to help them through it.
Resources:
Leslie's Quick Start Guide
She Deserves Better by Sheila Gregoire

Monday Jan 15, 2024

 
Advice for Women in Conservative Churches
Find a trustworthy female within the church to confide in.
Seek someone who embodies godliness and can provide a receptive ear.
Avoid putting the burden of finding the perfect words or expression on victims.
The Role of Humility in Pastors
Pastors must have humility when dealing with abuse cases.
Be aware of the woman's perspective if she is to speak to the elders. Ways to help her feel safe.
Training and Awareness
The growth of awareness and training in seminaries and conservative circles.
Upcoming training opportunities and resources for pastors and church leaders.
Importance of knowing local resources specializing in domestic abuse.
Creating Safety Plans
Encouragement for pastors to receive proper training and create safety plans.
The impact of creating safety plans for victims and changing their perspective.
Encouragement for pastors to embrace the labor of love in opposing evil and upholding good.
Conclusion:
Encouragement for pastors and church leaders to seek training and knowledge in addressing domestic abuse.
The importance of creating a safe and supportive environment within conservative churches.
Additional Resources:
"When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church," by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre
Peaceworks Live 2024
Quick Start Guide

Monday Jan 08, 2024

 
Discovering the Betrayal
Dee's life as a pastor's wife and the shock of discovering her husband's affair.
The initial emotions of hurt, anger, and confusion.
The difficulty of facing infidelity within the confines of the church community.
Seeking Support and Clarity
Dee's decision to reach out to her pastor for guidance and support.
The disappointment of the pastor's response and the need to find alternative help.
Her discovery of the Conquer program and how it provided clarity in a confusing situation.
Taking Control of Her Life
Dee's realization that she had the power to make choices for her future.
The importance of separating herself from an unhealthy relationship.
The role of Conquer and her faith in helping her regain control and self-worth.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
Dee's journey towards forgiveness and understanding its different layers.
The distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.
How staying close to God and finding a supportive church community helped her heal.
Conclusion
Dee's message to those facing infidelity: Seek support, stay close to God, and remember your worth.
Her story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the possibility of finding healing after betrayal.
Resources:
Leslie Vernick's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

Monday Jan 01, 2024

God's Love and Plans
Encouragement from Survivors
Emphasizing God's Love and Divine Plans
Overcoming Challenges
Staying the Course
Trusting God and Finding Hope
Freedom and Self-Worth
Embracing Freedom and Self-Worth in Christ
The Importance of Recognizing Your Value
Seek Help and Build Relationships
The Power of Seeking Support
Building a Support Network
Focus on Children
Prioritizing Children's Well-being
Empowering Children in Challenging Situations
Dealing with Betrayal Trauma
Addressing Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Trauma
Encouraging Help-Seeking and Resources
Taking Time for Healing
Practicing Self-Compassion
Allowing Time for Healing and Growth
Finding Hope
Offering Empathy and Understanding
The Promise of Transformation and Renewal
Conclusion
Empowering Women to Become Conquerors

Monday Dec 25, 2023

Merry Christmas to our podcast listeners!
In this episode Leslie and Julie share some Christmas memories and some practical advice, especially for those who find this to be a difficult holiday.
The Gift of Presence: Leslie emphasizes the importance of preparation and the opportunity to create a more positive Christmas experience. She recommends starting the day with gratitude and setting intentions for how you want to feel.
Leslie explains the significance of recognizing that God is in you and with you. She also explains how to use breath as a tool to calm the body and switch thoughts when negative emotions arise.
Finding Hope in Christmas: Julie shares a personal experience of finding hope in Christmas after the loss of a loved one. She emphasizes the importance of intentionally focusing on what Christmas represents, even during difficult times.
God's Presence Among Us: Leslie shares a powerful story from her experiences in the Philippines, where she encountered people living along railroad tracks in cardboard shacks. She draws a parallel between Jesus' humble birth in a manger and the way God lived among the lowly.
Closing Thoughts: We hope you will make meaningful Christmas memories, even in challenging circumstances. We wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas.

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Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Relationships. They can be difficult and even disappointing. But what about when they become destructive? Does God want you to stay in a relationship "no matter what?" 
You know you're supposed to forgive. Does that mean forgetting? What if the sin continues?
In this podcast, relationship expert and best-selling author, Leslie Vernick tackles all of these questions and more. And she doesn't hand out the same old drivel you may have heard in the counseling office. 

Get ready for real, biblical help for even the most destructive of relationships.

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