Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Unmasking Insecurity: The Hidden Struggle of People Pleasing

Are you constantly saying “yes” when your heart is screaming “no”?
If you’ve ever felt like your worth hinges on making everyone around you happy, this episode will speak directly to your heart. Coaches Susan and Diana pull back the curtain on one of the most sneaky and exhausting insecurities many of us carry—people pleasing. It might look like kindness on the outside, but underneath it’s often driven by fear, insecurity, and a longing to feel safe and loved.
In this honest, grace-filled conversation, they explore why people pleasing starts, how it hides in our habits, and what it takes to break free. You’ll walk away with powerful mindset shifts, biblical wisdom, and a simple but life-changing tool to begin honoring your voice without guilt.
Key Takeaways from This Episode:
🎭 People Pleasing Is About Survival, Not Kindness Many of us learned early on that approval equals safety. Saying yes, keeping the peace, and over-functioning became our armor. But as adults, that armor becomes a prison. True kindness includes honesty, boundaries, and self-respect.
💔 The Cost of People Pleasing Is Your Voice When you constantly put others first to avoid rejection, you risk losing yourself. The result? Exhaustion, resentment, and invisibility. Susan and Diana break down the emotional toll of people pleasing and why it’s not selfish to want rest, space, or to simply say “no.”
🛑 A Pause Is a Powerful First Step One practical tip? Pause before you say yes. Give yourself permission to check in—am I agreeing from love or fear? That moment of reflection invites the Holy Spirit to guide your response rather than your insecurity.
📖 Boundaries Are Biblical, Not Selfish Even Jesus said no. He walked away from demands, rested, and stayed rooted in the Father’s will—not public opinion. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re unloving. It means you’re growing into the person God designed you to be—whole, grounded, and free.
💡 You Don’t Have to Earn Love—You Already Have It At the core of people pleasing is the lie: I have to earn my worth. But Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ loved us at our worst. You don’t have to perform, prove, or please to be worthy. You already are.
Ready to Break Free from People Pleasing?
Join our Insecurity Coaching Challenge, starting June 23rd. In just one week, you’ll uncover the roots of insecurity and gain the tools to reclaim your voice, set godly boundaries, and walk in confidence. 👉 Sign up for only $17: www.leslievernick.com/challenge
You Are Allowed to Take Up Space
You are not mean for saying no. You’re not broken for needing rest. And you’re not selfish for wanting to live honestly. The journey out of people pleasing isn’t about becoming hardened—it’s about becoming whole. You are already loved, already worthy, and already enough. Let today be your first step toward freedom.
💬 Share this episode with a fellow recovering people pleaser—you’re not alone.

When Pleasing Others Costs Too Much: TC's Story of Capacity, Courage and Clarity

🌟 Episode Overview:
Welcome back to Relationship Truth Unfiltered. In today’s episode, we go beyond the surface and straight into the heart of what it looks like to move from insecurity to identity, from people pleasing to peace. LeAnne sits down with a courageous woman who has walked through divorce, fear, performance pressure—and found her footing again in Christ.
This episode isn’t polished or perfect. It’s powerful, raw, and real.
Through this deeply personal and hope-filled conversation, you’ll hear:
What life looked like before the Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge
The surprising realization that even “strong” women can fall into people pleasing
The “aha” moment when boundaries and God’s truth collided in the best way
How Scripture became an anchor, especially Galatians 1:10 (NLT)
What has changed since the challenge—and what’s still being practiced with grace
You’ll walk away feeling encouraged, grounded, and ready to take your next step toward freedom.
💬  Key Quotes:
“Saying yes to others meant I was constantly saying no to myself.” TC
“God has a plan and purpose for my life—and I can’t fulfill it if I’m giving the best of me to everyone else.” TC
“Healing is not only available—it’s already begun.” LeAnne Parsons
🧭  Takeaways:
Insecurity and people pleasing can be subtle—and powerful. But they don't have to define you.
Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re sacred. Especially when anchored in truth.
Your story can shift. And God will meet you in the middle of the mess.
📖 Scripture Anchor:
Galatians 1:10 (NLT)“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
🕊️  Three Words to Describe Her Journey:
Illuminating. Empowering. Liberating.
🔗  Resources Mentioned:
The Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge – https://leslievernick.com/challenge
🙌  Connect + Share:
If this conversation spoke to your heart, we’d love for you to share it with a friend or leave a review. It helps more women find their way to truth, wholeness, and healing.
🧡 You’re not too much. You’re not too late. And you’re never walking alone

Insecurity vs. Identity: Breaking Agreement with the Lie

In this heart-opening episode, Coach LeAnne Parsons takes us deep into the hidden ways insecurity can shape — and sabotage — our identity in Christ. With wisdom, compassion, and biblical clarity, she gently exposes how fear, shame, and striving disguise themselves as humility or responsibility, keeping women stuck in small stories that God never wrote.
This episode is a powerful primer for LV and Cos Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week, and it offers a blend of practical insight, Scripture-rich truth, and spiritual invitation to trade fear for freedom — starting now.
Whether you're confident in your calling or still wrestling with worthiness, this episode will remind you: You are already His. And that changes everything.
🔑 What You'll Learn:
How insecurity quietly rewrites your story without you realizing it
The difference between true humility and spiritualized fear
What Scripture says about your unshakable identity in Christ
Common lies Christian women believe — and the truth that breaks them
Why "heartwork" is the missing piece in your healing journey
A behind-the-scenes look at the Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week — and how to join
📖 Scriptures Mentioned:
Genesis 3 – The first appearance of shame
Isaiah 43:1 – “I have called you by name; you are mine.”
Romans 8 – Our adoption and inheritance in Christ
2 Corinthians 12:9 – God’s power in our weakness
Ephesians 2:6 – Seated with Christ in heavenly places
❤️ Quote to Remember:
“You cannot live out your calling while constantly questioning your worth.” – LeAnne Parsons
“Heartwork is the intentional process of inviting God to transform what’s going on beneath the surface — your beliefs, your wounds, your identity, your patterns.”  –LeAnne Parsons
“We cannot walk in victory and believe we are failures.” – Beth Moore
🔗 Links & Resources:
💻 Register for the FREE Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week: 👉 leslievernick.com/challenge
✍️ Want a journaling prompt or two from today’s episode? Join our email list for bonus content.
📚 Check out Leslie’s books, coaching info, and Bible-based resources: 👉 leslievernick.com
🙏 Leave a Review:
If this episode spoke to you, would you take a moment to leave a review? It helps more women find encouragement and truth in the middle of their own insecurity battles.
🎧 Subscribe & Share:
Don’t miss next week’s Challenge Kickoff episode! Subscribe wherever you listen, and share this episode with a friend who needs a reminder that she’s already enough in Christ.

People Pleasing — Why You Do It and How to Stop

“People pleasing isn’t love. It’s fear dressed up as kindness.”
Have you ever gone along to get along? Said yes when you really wanted to say no? Diminished your desires, your boundaries, or even your calling—just to avoid conflict or gain approval? If so, you're not alone.
In this heartfelt and eye-opening Coaches Takeover episode, Coaches Diana and Susan unpack one of the most common struggles among women: people pleasing. With honesty, biblical insight, and hard-earned wisdom, they dive into the roots of this behavior, share real stories of personal growth, and offer gentle but practical steps to help you stop abandoning yourself—and start showing up with truth, courage, and strength.
Whether you've been stuck in patterns of self-sacrifice, afraid to speak up, or just feeling exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy, this conversation will meet you with grace and give you tools to walk in freedom.
People Pleasing Is a Form of Self-Abandonment
At its core, people pleasing happens when we silence our own needs, wants, or convictions in favor of someone else’s. Whether out of fear of rejection, a desire to keep the peace, or a longing for approval, this behavior often stems from insecurity and a loss of self. Susan shares how people pleasing is about needing something from others (like validation or acceptance) and sacrificing yourself to get it—often without even realizing it.
You Can’t Heal What You Don’t Notice
One of the most powerful things you can do is pause and pay attention. Diana and Susan remind us that many women have been conditioned (in families, churches, or culture) to believe that “being nice” means suppressing their true selves. But without self-awareness, people pleasing becomes an automatic pattern that robs us of authenticity and connection. Naming it is the first step to breaking free.
Personal Stories Reveal the Cost of People Pleasing
Diana vulnerably shares moments in her life where fear of disappointing others led to missed opportunities—including a professional invitation she turned down simply because she didn’t ask for what she needed. Susan reflects on how being trained as a therapist to be a “blank slate” magnified her already strong pattern of disappearing for others. Their stories highlight how people pleasing may seem noble—but often leads to regret and invisibility.
Reclaiming Your Voice Takes Practice—and Courage
Breaking free from people pleasing means learning to notice your own preferences, to ask for what you need, and to tolerate the discomfort of not pleasing everyone. This isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. As Susan and Diana point out, many women have never developed a strong sense of self, or it’s been erased by years of criticism or control. Rebuilding it is part of healing, and it takes time, support, and practice.
Your Purpose Matters—Don’t Let Fear Steal It
People pleasing often leads to lost opportunities, diminished confidence, and emotional exhaustion. But God created you with purpose and worth—and you don’t have to keep hiding or hustling to prove yourself. With the right tools and support, you can step into truth, draw healthy boundaries, and become the strong, faithful woman God called you to be.

How Insecurity Shows Up in Your Life (and What to Do About It)

“You’re not alone, you’re not crazy—and with God’s help, you can build confidence and walk in truth.”
Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Like you didn’t belong or couldn't trust your own decisions? Maybe you’ve wrestled with anxiety before speaking up, or feared being rejected in relationships. If so, you’re not alone. In this special “Coaches Takeover” episode, Coaches Susan and Diana get real about a struggle that touches every woman at some point: insecurity.
They peel back the layers to explore what insecurity really is, how it forms, how it shows up in everyday life—from career and finances to relationships and social settings—and how to move forward with confidence, clarity, and faith. With biblical insight, relatable stories, and practical tools, this episode will help you identify hidden roots of insecurity and take the first step toward freedom.
Understanding the Root of Insecurity
Insecurity isn’t just a feeling—it’s often a long-standing belief shaped by past wounds, trauma, criticism, or comparison. Susan and Diana explain how insecurity is usually built on perception rather than truth, and how that perception becomes a lens that affects everything from your self-worth to your ability to make decisions.
Types of Insecurity—and Where You Might See Yourself
From public speaking to parenting, marriage to money, insecurity shows up in many forms: personal, relational, social, professional, and financial. The coaches share vulnerable stories from their own lives (yes, even beach towel choices and Ph.D. paths!) to illustrate how insecurity can limit growth and paralyze action.
The Body Keeps the Score
Insecurity doesn’t just stay in your head. It shows up in your body—through anxiety, overthinking, or even chronic stress. You’ll learn how physical dysregulation can keep you stuck and how being curious (not critical) about your reactions can be a powerful path to healing.
Shifting from Perfectionism to Purpose
When insecurity drives perfectionism, it keeps you focused on your flaws instead of your impact. The coaches offer a mindset shift: let go of the need to be perfect and embrace being human. Showing up, even imperfectly, is powerful—especially when you focus on helping others rather than proving yourself.
From Shame to Strength: A Biblical Perspective
Going all the way back to Genesis, we see insecurity take root when we begin to question who we are and who God is. Susan and Diana remind us of the enemy’s tactics and encourage us to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10–12), standing firm in truth and identity as beloved daughters of the King.
You Are Not Alone
Friend, insecurity may whisper that you’re not enough—but the truth is, you are deeply loved, uniquely created, and equipped by God for purpose. You don’t need to stay stuck in fear. With His help, you can show up strong, stand in your worth, and walk in freedom.
We’re so glad you’re here.
If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend or leave a review? You never know who might need the hope and healing God has for them through your simple act of sharing.
Until next time, keep leaning into courage, wisdom, and the One who loves you most.

When Trauma Shows Up in Parenting: One Woman’s Question, Many Women’s Reality

In this tender episode of Unfiltered Truth, Coach LeAnne shares one brave woman’s deeply vulnerable question about parenting in the wake of trauma—and the grace-filled truth we all need to hear. If you’ve ever reacted in anger and wondered, “What’s wrong with me?”—you’re not alone. Through a trauma-informed, Christ-centered lens, LeAnne explores how past wounds shape present responses and offers practical tools to begin breaking reactive cycles with compassion, courage, and truth.
You’ll learn:
Why trauma often shows up in parenting
How to pause before reacting
What it means to name your triggers
How to repair ruptures and reset relationships
Where God’s grace meets us in our weakness
Featured Scripture:
2 Timothy 1:7
Psalm 4:4
Psalm 139:23–24
Hebrews 12:1
2 Corinthians 12:9
Resources Mentioned: Read the full blog post: When Trauma Shows Up in Parenting → https://leslievernick.com/blog/understanding-and-breaking-the-cycle-of-trauma-responses-in-parenting/
Learn more about Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI): - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/trust-based-relational-intervention-tbri-works-leanne/
Want to coach with LeAnne or the team? Learn more about our community. Visit: https://leslievernick.com/coaching/
Subscribe to Relationship Truth Unfiltered so you never miss an episode!

Our Stories, Our Why

In this deeply personal and powerful kickoff to the Coaches Takeover Series on Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, join Certified Coaches LeAnne Parsons and Diana Bala as they pull back the curtain on their personal stories of people-pleasing, performance, and purpose—and how God has faithfully redeemed it all.
With warmth, honesty, and Christ-centered wisdom, LeAnne and Diana share how their journeys of healing led them to coaching—and why they are passionate about walking alongside women in emotionally destructive relationships today.
This episode will help you feel seen, known, and invited into your own transformation. You’ll discover that you don’t have to disappear to keep the peace, and you don’t have to perform to be loved.
If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe it’s me,” or “Is it selfish to say no?”—this episode is for you.
What You'll Hear in This Episode:
Personal stories of people-pleasing and the protective roles it plays
Moments of transformation that shifted everything
Why coaching is a sacred and powerful tool in healing journeys
How Scripture anchors the work of both coaches
Real, practical first steps to move beyond fear-based approval-seeking
Encouragement that you are not too messy for God’s love—or His purpose
Anchor Scripture:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”— Galatians 1:10 (NLT)
Quotable Moments:
“You don’t have to disappear to keep the peace.” – LeAnne “People-pleasing wasn’t my personality—it was my protection.” – LeAnne “It’s maturity, not selfishness, to know who God made you to be.” – Diana “Your ‘no’ can be holy when it honors your God-given priorities.” – Diana
Ready for More?
Learn more about coaching with our team:www.leslievernick.com/coaching
Subscribe to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered so you don’t miss what’s next! Share this episode with a friend who needs encouragement and truth today. Leave a review—it helps others find the same support and strength.
Closing Prayer Highlight:
“You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. And with God’s help, you can live in truth, walk in CORE strength, and reclaim your voice.” – LeAnne
Sneak Peek:
Stay tuned for upcoming episodes featuring powerful client stories of transformation and live Q&A sessions with your coaches. Real questions, real answers, rooted in real hope.

A Fresh Voice, A Familiar Mission: Welcoming Our Coaches Takeover

In this special episode, LeAnne Parsons (PCC, TBRI Practitioner, and coach on Leslie Vernick’s team) shares an exciting update. With Leslie’s full blessing and invitation, the coaching team is stepping in to bring a new Coaches Takeover Series to the podcast!
You’ll hear encouragement, real transformation stories, and coaching insights that align perfectly with the biblical foundation and trauma-informed care this podcast is known for.
Expect practical tools, Christ-centered truth, and deep reminders that your healing matters and your voice is not too much.
Highlights:
Why Leslie invited her coaching team to take the mic
What’s ahead in the new Coaches Takeover Series
Why this message of healing, boundaries, and truth matters more than ever
A personal encouragement from LeAnne
Galatians 1:10 (NLT) Learn more: www.leslievernick.com/coaching Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!

From Lost to Found: Reclaiming Your Voice, Identity & Faith in Destructive Relationships

Have you ever felt like you've lost yourself trying to make a relationship work?You go through the motions, trying to be the "good wife," the "submissive woman," the "faithful helper"—but deep inside, something feels off. You’re exhausted, resentful, and unsure how you even got here. In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie welcomes psychotherapist and leadership coach Michelle Moffitt for a candid conversation about what it means to wake up, reclaim your voice, and start honoring the woman God created you to be.
Michelle shares her personal journey of trauma, toxic theology, and eventually rediscovering her worth and agency through therapy, self-awareness, boundaries, and faith. You’ll learn how to stop playing small, listen to your intuition, and begin transforming not only your relationships—but your life.
👉 Learn more about Michelle and her work at www.michellemoffitt.com
 
Key Takeaways:
💔 The Cost of Losing Yourself for the Sake of “We”Michelle opens up about how early trauma and religious pressure led her to sacrifice her identity in order to find belonging. Many women will relate to that pull to be the perfect wife or partner—only to realize they’ve abandoned themselves in the process. Leslie and Michelle expose the lies women are told in church and culture, and the real cost of losing your authentic self.
🧠 Rebuilding Trust in Your Intuition and JudgmentOne of the deepest wounds in destructive relationships is losing the ability to trust your own gut. Michelle introduces the SPACE tool (Stop, Present, Ask, Change, Express) to help you slow down and become more conscious of the beliefs that are driving your decisions. You'll learn how to retrain your brain to hear God’s voice and your own again.
🛑 Boundaries Aren’t Mean—They’re HolyIf you’ve been over-functioning or enabling dysfunction for years, stepping into new boundaries can feel “mean.” Michelle shares practical examples and scripts that helped her draw lines without shame or cruelty—and how those boundaries started to shift the entire relationship dynamic, even when it wasn’t received well.
🧩 The Power of the Enneagram in HealingUnderstanding your Enneagram type can be a powerful tool for healing and growth—especially if you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing patterns or don’t even know what you like anymore. Michelle explains how the Enneagram goes deeper than personality tests to reveal hidden motives, helping you understand not only yourself, but others, with compassion and clarity.
🗣️ Reclaiming Your Voice—and Why It Changes EverythingUsing your voice isn’t just about confrontation; it’s about becoming who God made you to be. Michelle and Leslie talk about the discomfort of change, the fear of being alone, and the beauty of showing up in the world as your full self. If you've ever asked, “What’s wrong with me?”—this episode will help you ask instead, “What’s right with me that I’ve buried for too long?”
🌱 Ready to Begin Your Own Healing Journey?If you’re feeling stuck, silenced, or unsure of your next step, you don’t have to walk alone. Leslie’s Conquer program is designed to help Christian women break free from destructive relationships and find clarity, confidence, and courage—grounded in truth and God’s love.👉 Learn more at www.leslievernick.com/conquer
💛 Closing Encouragement:Sister, you are not selfish for wanting to be whole. God didn’t create you to be a shadow of someone else—He created you to reflect His image. As you reclaim your voice, your boundaries, and your purpose, remember: You are not alone. You are not crazy. And with God's guidance, you can do this. Step by step. One brave decision at a time.

Nick Stumbo on Breaking the Silence: The Hidden Impact of Porn on Christian Marriages

What do you do when trust is shattered, but no one around you seems to take your pain seriously?In today’s deeply honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie sits down with Nick Stumbo, former pastor and Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, who opens up about his personal battle with pornography—and the profound impact it had on his wife, his marriage, and his ministry. Nick's story isn’t just one of addiction—it's about healing, honesty, and hope when everything seems lost.
Together, Leslie and Nick dismantle toxic messaging that pressures wives to “just forgive” or “have more sex,” and instead offer a biblical and brain-based path toward real recovery—one that honors both the betrayed and the struggler.
If you or someone you love is silently suffering in a marriage affected by pornography, this episode will remind you: You’re not alone, and your healing matters.
 
🔑 Key Takeaways:
1. Pornography Is Not Just a “Men’s Issue”—It’s a People Problem
Nick shares eye-opening statistics from Pure Desire’s recent Barna study, showing that over half of practicing Christians admit to viewing pornography, including 40% of Christian women. This isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about lifting the shame and creating real solutions.
“Porn is not a minor issue. It’s undermining the heartbeat of our marriages and families.”
2. Real Healing Begins When the Struggler Takes Full Ownership
For 10 years, Nick’s wife forgave his repeated confessions. But healing didn’t begin until Nick recognized the impact of his actions on her heart. It wasn’t enough to try harder—he had to go deeper.
“Her pain wasn’t the problem. My choices were. When I stopped minimizing her hurt and started listening, everything changed.”
3. Rebuilding Trust Requires Consistent Action, Not Just Apologies
Nick offers practical examples of what rebuilding trust looked like in his marriage: weekly check-ins, recovery groups, full honesty, and showing—not just saying—change. He emphasizes that wives need to see patterns of safety, not just hear promises.
“Trust is rebuilt when words and actions align over time—not when you demand forgiveness before you’ve earned it.”
4. Churches Must Stop Prioritizing Reconciliation Over Healing
Leslie and Nick both challenge churches that urge women to reconcile prematurely, while ignoring their trauma. Healing isn’t about keeping the marriage together at any cost—it’s about helping both people get healthy, whether or not the marriage survives.
“The greatest hope for a reconciled marriage is two healing people—not one healing while the other continues to harm.”
5. Community Is Essential—For Both the Betrayed and the Struggler
Nick explains how Pure Desire’s gender-specific recovery groups changed everything for both him and his wife. In community, they found tools, support, and the courage to stop hiding.
“You cannot heal in isolation. We were never meant to carry this alone.”
 
💌 A Personal Invitation
If you're feeling exhausted, stuck, or unsure if your marriage can survive the devastation of pornography, there is a path forward. Whether you're the one who struggles—or the one who’s been wounded—your healing matters.
👉 Learn more about Pure Desire Ministries and find recovery resources here: puredesire.org👉 Looking for support for destructive or emotionally abusive relationships? Explore Leslie’s programs here: leslievernick.com
 
💖 Closing Encouragement
Friend, if you're hanging on by a thread, hear this: God sees your pain. He hears your cries. And He cares deeply about your healing.You don’t have to keep doing the same destructive dance. Whether your spouse is ready or not, you can start getting healthy today.There is hope. There is help. And there is freedom—one courageous step at a time.