Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Five Signs of a Toxic Relationship

RESOURCES
Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start Pattern Questions to Ask:
When was the first time ...
When was the last time... 
What is a typical time?
What's the worst time?
Summary: In this episode, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick discuss how to recognize and address destructive relationships. Leslie highlights five key signs of a destructive relationship and offers advice on navigating these challenging situations.
Identifying Red Flags in Marriage
Explanation of common red flags that may indicate a relationship is becoming destructive.
Recognizing Patterns of Destructive Behavior
Importance of identifying repeat patterns in behavior that are harmful.
Differentiation between occasional mistakes and ongoing destructive patterns.
Sign One: Feeling Controlled
Indicators of control and manipulation in a relationship.
Psychological and emotional impact of being controlled.
Sign Two: Feeling Afraid
Understanding fear in non-physically abusive relationships.
Common fears and their effects on the dynamics of a relationship.
Sign Three: Feeling Confused
The role of gaslighting in causing confusion.
Strategies for regaining clarity and validating one’s own reality.
Sign Four: Feeling Objectified
Recognizing when one is being treated as an object rather than a partner.
The emotional toll of objectification.
Sign Five: Deception
Impact of chronic deception on trust and safety in a relationship.
Recognizing the signs of deceit and its consequences.
Navigating Deceptive and Manipulative Behavior
Dealing with duplicity and manipulation in relationships.
Strategies for protecting oneself and maintaining sanity.
Taking Control of Your Happiness
Personal anecdotes and empowerment stories.
Importance of self-celebration and taking charge of one’s own well-being.
Recognizing Destructive Patterns and Seeking Safety
Identifying patterns and understanding their frequency and intensity.
Assessing personal boundaries and safety measures.

The Challenges of Neurodiverse Marriages

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Dr. Stephanie Holmes, an autism researcher, life coach, and ordained minister, joins us to discuss the unique dynamics of neurodiverse marriages. Dr. Holmes brings her vast expertise and personal experience in navigating the challenges that couples face when one partner is on the autism spectrum. The conversation emphasizes understanding neurodiversity, the impact of late diagnoses on marriages, recognizing red flags, and practical advice for women feeling unheard or unloved in such relationships. Listeners will gain valuable insights into self-care, boundary-setting, and finding supportive communities within a Christian context.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Neurodiversity
Explanation of neurodiverse and neurotypical terms.
Importance of recognizing different neurological wiring and its impact on relationships.
Impact of Late Diagnosis
Effects of late autism spectrum diagnoses on marital relationships.
Historical context of autism diagnosis and its implications.
Recognizing Red Flags
Identifying signs that a partner might be on the autism spectrum.
Need for reassessment for individuals diagnosed with ADHD before 2013.
Challenges in Neurodiverse Marriages
Common struggles such as lack of emotional connection and communication issues.
Necessity for both partners to learn and adapt to each other's needs.
Trauma and Neurodiverse Relationships
Understanding Trauma A (absence of good things) and Trauma B (presence of bad things) in neurodiverse marriages.
Impact of trauma on the neurotypical spouse and importance of addressing these issues.
Counseling and Coaching
Benefits of coaching over traditional counseling for neurodiverse couples.
Importance of individual therapy and trauma work before starting couples work.
Personal and Spiritual Growth
Encouraging women to set boundaries and seek self-care.
Finding identity and community support outside of the marriage.
Final Advice
Practical tips for women feeling unheard or unloved in their relationships.
Recognizing and addressing the impact of a spouse's behavior on their well-being.

When Love Becomes Toxic: Raquel's Experience

RESOURCESLeslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start 
In this episode Julie Sedenko talks to Raquel about her personal journey and insights into toxic marriages, emotional abuse, and healing. You will learn, from Raquel's experiences, about the importance of establishing boundaries, tips for healing after emotional abuse, and key lessons from her marriage. This empowering podcast provides valuable resources and encouragement for those navigating their own relationship challenges.
Raquel's Marriage
Rachel discusses the truth behind her marriage experiences
Emotional Abuse Unmasked
Revealing the signs and effects of emotional abuse
Raquel on Toxic Marriages
Insights on what makes a marriage toxic
Marriage Boundaries
Raquel’s story on setting and maintaining boundaries
Healing After Emotional Abuse
Steps and stories of healing post-abuse
Raquel's Marriage Lessons
Key lessons learned from her own marriage
Escaping Toxic Relationships
Strategies and advice for leaving toxic situations
Raquel's Guide to Boundaries
Comprehensive guide to establishing and enforcing boundaries
Toxic Marriage Insights
Additional insights on toxic relationships
Raquel's Truth on Marriage
Final thoughts and personal truths about marriage

Dealing with Destructive Friendships

Honesty and Vulnerability in Friendships:
Initiating tough conversations about unmet needs is essential to gauge respect and mutual support.
Small “no” statements reveal whether a friend respects boundaries or tends toward manipulation or guilt-tripping.
Guarding Your Heart:
Proverbs 4:23 emphasizes guarding your heart to prevent dependency on others for validation.
By making God the source of well-being, friendships become supportive without becoming the foundation of one’s self-worth.
Understanding Friendships vs. Ministry Relationships:
Distinguishing between friendships, which are mutual and reciprocal, and ministry relationships, where giving is without expectation.
True friendships require both give-and-take, unlike ministry relationships, which may be one-sided.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries:
Recognizing personal limits, such as the story of the “laundry lesson,” where a lack of boundaries led to silent resentment.
Knowing when to express needs and limitations to avoid burnout and passive-aggressive responses.
When Friendships Need to End:
Natural fading of friendships versus ending them with intentional conversations if there’s been a breach of trust.
Practicing clarity: If a friendship no longer aligns with your life stage or values, addressing this honestly can prevent miscommunication.

Surviving the Unthinkable: Michelle Hord's Story of Resilience

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick interviews Michelle Hord, a former producer of Good Morning America. Michelle shares her heartbreaking yet inspiring story of losing her daughter Gabrielle at the hands of her soon-to-be ex-husband and her journey of resilience and faith thereafter.  
The Tragic Event
Description of the tragic event involving Michelle's daughter, Gabrielle.
Emotional and psychological impact on Michelle and her family.
Life Before the Tragedy
Insights into Michelle's marriage and reasons for the divorce.
Discussion about emotional abuse and its impact.
Gabrielle's Personality
Michelle's memories of Gabrielle.
Gabrielle's character and memorable traits.
The Night of the Tragedy
Details of the night Gabrielle's life was taken.
Michelle’s immediate reactions and actions following the event.
Immediate Aftermath
Steps Michelle took following the tragedy.
The support system that helped her through the initial shock.
Regaining Power and Faith
Michelle’s journey to regain her power and sense of self.
Her process of rebuilding faith and resilience.
Book Discussion: The Other Side of Yet
Introduction of Michelle’s book.
Explanation of the book’s title and central themes.
Defiant Faith
Discussion on the concept of defiant faith.
How Michelle has embraced defiance against evil and adversity.
Support Systems
Importance of having a strong support system during crises.
Examples of how Michelle’s friends supported her through difficult times.
Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation
Overview of the Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation.
The mission and activities of the foundation to honor Gabrielle’s legacy.
Conclusion and Prayer
Closing thoughts from Leslie and Michelle.
Prayer for listeners facing their own battles with evil and hardship.
Additional Details:
Links and Resources:
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation Website
Purchase Michelle Hord’s Book 
Michelle Hord's Website
Leslie Vernick’s Free Quick Start Guide
Social Media Contacts:
Follow Leslie Vernick on Instagram and Facebook
Follow Gabrielle’s Wings on Instagram and Facebook
`

Betty's Story: How CONQUER Changed Everything

RESOURCES:REGISTER HERE for Leslie's FREE Workshop, If He Doesn't Hit Me, Is it Still Abuse? God Cares. September 24th, 2024, 12pm & 7:30pm Eastern
JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th
In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times.
Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth.
Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?"
Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing.
Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER.
Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith.
Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance.
Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times.
Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth.
Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.
 

Courageous Resilience: Pam's Path to Healing

RESOURCES:
Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop
Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide
Pam's Journey:
Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit.
Discovering her husband's hidden behaviors: excessive gambling, pornography use, and financial mismanagement.
The emotional toll of deception and cycles of hope and disappointment.
The turning point: uncovering infidelity and confronting the reality of emotional abuse.
Navigating Healing and Transformation:
Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation.
Finding solace in resources like Leslie Vernick's teachings and support groups.
Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse: setting boundaries and focusing on personal healing.
Spiritual growth and redefining beliefs about marriage and submission.
Reflections and Moving Forward:
Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth.
The role of support systems: friends, family, and therapeutic interventions.
Embracing opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment beyond the confines of marriage.
Insights into reclaiming identity and finding empowerment in life after abuse.

Expert Advice on Transforming Trauma

RESOURCES: Julie Bonn Blank's website https://www.juliebonnblank.com/ Abuse Recover Ministry: https://abuserecovery.org/ Book: "On the Frontlines of Abuse"Books by Julie Bonn Blank
 Near-Death Experience
Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reaction
Impact on her faith journey and ministry
Understanding Coercive Control
Definition and examples of coercive control in relationships
Its role in perpetuating abuse dynamics
Highlighting ARMS Programs
Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violence
Explanation of "Mankind and Virtue" program for abusers
Challenges in Church Responses
Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregations
Importance of supportive and accountable church environments
Personal Reflections on Healing and Relationships
Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuse
Differences and learnings from past experiences

Ask Leslie About Sex

Resources:Leslie's Quick Start Guide"She Deserves Better" by Sheila Gregoire"The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila GregoireQuestions answered in this episodeCan Women Offer Affection Without It Being Interpreted as a Sexual Invitation?
Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.
It’s important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.
An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don’t always want it to lead to sex.”
Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key.
Is It Wrong for a Woman to Fake Orgasms?
Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.
Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential.
If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don’t expect me to reach orgasm.”
Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance.
Are There Biblical Boundaries for Sexual Practices?
Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.
Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships.
Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship.
What About Covert Forms of Marital Rape and Coercion?
Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.
True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences.
If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues.
Is Masturbation a Concern in a Marriage?
There is disagreement in the church on this topic. 
Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship. 
It’s important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage.
Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment.
My Wife Never Liked Sex but She Married Me—What Should I Do?
Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.
It’s important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other’s needs and boundaries.
Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment.
Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly.
How Should We Handle Long-Term Relationship Repair and Growth?
Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.
Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner’s behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship.
Final Thoughts
Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.
Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership

Trauma is Not the End of Your Story

RESOURCES:Resources: Kobe’s book: Why Am I Like This?: How to Break Cycles, Heal from Trauma, and Restore Your FaithDwell Bible App 
In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey.
Prayer as a Healing Practice:
Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing.
Prayer in Daily Life: Kobe shares personal experiences where prayer has been pivotal in navigating challenges and finding peace amidst turmoil.
Spiritual Insights and Healing:
Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering.
Price of Righteousness: Doing the right thing does not always lead to immediate positive outcomes, yet God provides strength and resources for those who persevere.
Benefits of Therapy and Coaching:
Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma.
Healing Responsibility: While not responsible for the initial wounds, individuals are accountable for their healing journey.
Questioning for Growth: Asking oneself questions is pivotal for healing, acknowledging there are answers beyond current understanding.
Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective:
Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety.
Misconceptions: Boundaries are not about punishment but safeguarding conditions for personal thriving and mutual respect.
Breath Prayer for Healing:
Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence.