Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

From Lost to Found: Reclaiming Your Voice, Identity & Faith in Destructive Relationships

Have you ever felt like you've lost yourself trying to make a relationship work?You go through the motions, trying to be the "good wife," the "submissive woman," the "faithful helper"—but deep inside, something feels off. You’re exhausted, resentful, and unsure how you even got here. In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie welcomes psychotherapist and leadership coach Michelle Moffitt for a candid conversation about what it means to wake up, reclaim your voice, and start honoring the woman God created you to be.
Michelle shares her personal journey of trauma, toxic theology, and eventually rediscovering her worth and agency through therapy, self-awareness, boundaries, and faith. You’ll learn how to stop playing small, listen to your intuition, and begin transforming not only your relationships—but your life.
👉 Learn more about Michelle and her work at www.michellemoffitt.com
 
Key Takeaways:
💔 The Cost of Losing Yourself for the Sake of “We”Michelle opens up about how early trauma and religious pressure led her to sacrifice her identity in order to find belonging. Many women will relate to that pull to be the perfect wife or partner—only to realize they’ve abandoned themselves in the process. Leslie and Michelle expose the lies women are told in church and culture, and the real cost of losing your authentic self.
🧠 Rebuilding Trust in Your Intuition and JudgmentOne of the deepest wounds in destructive relationships is losing the ability to trust your own gut. Michelle introduces the SPACE tool (Stop, Present, Ask, Change, Express) to help you slow down and become more conscious of the beliefs that are driving your decisions. You'll learn how to retrain your brain to hear God’s voice and your own again.
🛑 Boundaries Aren’t Mean—They’re HolyIf you’ve been over-functioning or enabling dysfunction for years, stepping into new boundaries can feel “mean.” Michelle shares practical examples and scripts that helped her draw lines without shame or cruelty—and how those boundaries started to shift the entire relationship dynamic, even when it wasn’t received well.
🧩 The Power of the Enneagram in HealingUnderstanding your Enneagram type can be a powerful tool for healing and growth—especially if you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing patterns or don’t even know what you like anymore. Michelle explains how the Enneagram goes deeper than personality tests to reveal hidden motives, helping you understand not only yourself, but others, with compassion and clarity.
🗣️ Reclaiming Your Voice—and Why It Changes EverythingUsing your voice isn’t just about confrontation; it’s about becoming who God made you to be. Michelle and Leslie talk about the discomfort of change, the fear of being alone, and the beauty of showing up in the world as your full self. If you've ever asked, “What’s wrong with me?”—this episode will help you ask instead, “What’s right with me that I’ve buried for too long?”
🌱 Ready to Begin Your Own Healing Journey?If you’re feeling stuck, silenced, or unsure of your next step, you don’t have to walk alone. Leslie’s Conquer program is designed to help Christian women break free from destructive relationships and find clarity, confidence, and courage—grounded in truth and God’s love.👉 Learn more at www.leslievernick.com/conquer
💛 Closing Encouragement:Sister, you are not selfish for wanting to be whole. God didn’t create you to be a shadow of someone else—He created you to reflect His image. As you reclaim your voice, your boundaries, and your purpose, remember: You are not alone. You are not crazy. And with God's guidance, you can do this. Step by step. One brave decision at a time.

Nick Stumbo on Breaking the Silence: The Hidden Impact of Porn on Christian Marriages

What do you do when trust is shattered, but no one around you seems to take your pain seriously?In today’s deeply honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie sits down with Nick Stumbo, former pastor and Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, who opens up about his personal battle with pornography—and the profound impact it had on his wife, his marriage, and his ministry. Nick's story isn’t just one of addiction—it's about healing, honesty, and hope when everything seems lost.
Together, Leslie and Nick dismantle toxic messaging that pressures wives to “just forgive” or “have more sex,” and instead offer a biblical and brain-based path toward real recovery—one that honors both the betrayed and the struggler.
If you or someone you love is silently suffering in a marriage affected by pornography, this episode will remind you: You’re not alone, and your healing matters.
 
🔑 Key Takeaways:
1. Pornography Is Not Just a “Men’s Issue”—It’s a People Problem
Nick shares eye-opening statistics from Pure Desire’s recent Barna study, showing that over half of practicing Christians admit to viewing pornography, including 40% of Christian women. This isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about lifting the shame and creating real solutions.
“Porn is not a minor issue. It’s undermining the heartbeat of our marriages and families.”
2. Real Healing Begins When the Struggler Takes Full Ownership
For 10 years, Nick’s wife forgave his repeated confessions. But healing didn’t begin until Nick recognized the impact of his actions on her heart. It wasn’t enough to try harder—he had to go deeper.
“Her pain wasn’t the problem. My choices were. When I stopped minimizing her hurt and started listening, everything changed.”
3. Rebuilding Trust Requires Consistent Action, Not Just Apologies
Nick offers practical examples of what rebuilding trust looked like in his marriage: weekly check-ins, recovery groups, full honesty, and showing—not just saying—change. He emphasizes that wives need to see patterns of safety, not just hear promises.
“Trust is rebuilt when words and actions align over time—not when you demand forgiveness before you’ve earned it.”
4. Churches Must Stop Prioritizing Reconciliation Over Healing
Leslie and Nick both challenge churches that urge women to reconcile prematurely, while ignoring their trauma. Healing isn’t about keeping the marriage together at any cost—it’s about helping both people get healthy, whether or not the marriage survives.
“The greatest hope for a reconciled marriage is two healing people—not one healing while the other continues to harm.”
5. Community Is Essential—For Both the Betrayed and the Struggler
Nick explains how Pure Desire’s gender-specific recovery groups changed everything for both him and his wife. In community, they found tools, support, and the courage to stop hiding.
“You cannot heal in isolation. We were never meant to carry this alone.”
 
💌 A Personal Invitation
If you're feeling exhausted, stuck, or unsure if your marriage can survive the devastation of pornography, there is a path forward. Whether you're the one who struggles—or the one who’s been wounded—your healing matters.
👉 Learn more about Pure Desire Ministries and find recovery resources here: puredesire.org👉 Looking for support for destructive or emotionally abusive relationships? Explore Leslie’s programs here: leslievernick.com
 
💖 Closing Encouragement
Friend, if you're hanging on by a thread, hear this: God sees your pain. He hears your cries. And He cares deeply about your healing.You don’t have to keep doing the same destructive dance. Whether your spouse is ready or not, you can start getting healthy today.There is hope. There is help. And there is freedom—one courageous step at a time.

I Didn’t Know I Was in an Abusive Marriage with Naghmeh Panahi

What if the marriage you fought to save was the very thing destroying you?
In today’s raw and courageous episode, Leslie sits down with Naghmeh Panahi, a woman many first heard about when she passionately advocated for the release of her husband, Pastor Saeed Abedini, imprisoned in Iran for his Christian faith. But behind the public story of courage and faith, Naghmeh was quietly suffering in a destructive and abusive marriage.
Naghmeh shares for the first time some of the hidden truths behind her story—how culture, Christian teaching, trauma bonding, and spiritual confusion kept her trapped in abuse, and how God gently led her out of the rubble and into healing. Her story is not just about abuse; it’s about redemption, truth, and discovering her worth as a cherished daughter of God.
Whether you’ve questioned if your marriage is abusive, struggled to reconcile your faith with your suffering, or wondered if healing is even possible—this episode is for you.
 
💡 Key Takeaways from Today’s Episode
🔍 Abuse Isn’t Always Obvious—But Your Body KnowsEven after experiencing physical violence, Naghmeh didn’t initially see herself as an abuse victim. Cultural and Christian teachings told her to be submissive, to not trust her feelings. But she shares how her body, her spirit, and God’s truth began revealing what her mind had been trained to ignore.
🚩 Early Red Flags and Trauma BondingFrom the beginning, Saeed criticized her appearance, isolated her from her family, and crossed sexual boundaries during their courtship. These moments formed deep trauma bonds that left her feeling trapped. Naghmeh bravely names the molestation she experienced and the misplaced shame that kept her silent.
🛑 When Faith Is Twisted to Justify OppressionRaised in Middle Eastern and conservative Christian cultures, Naghmeh was taught to value the institution of marriage over her personal safety. But she powerfully unpacks how Jesus does not call us property—He lifts, honors, and protects women. She reminds us that the God of the Bible hates the oppression of women, not those who break free from it.
💔 From Rubble to Revival—God RebuildsNaghmeh shares how, after her story went public, she endured severe backlash from the Christian community—but also found a deeper intimacy with God in the wilderness. Through tears, silence, and surrender, God slowly rebuilt her life, her joy, and her calling.
🌍 God Is Using Her—and He Can Use You TooNow leading a thriving ministry reaching Iran, Afghanistan, and beyond, Naghmeh testifies that God still uses broken women. Her story proves that divorce is not disqualification—and that freedom leads to fruitfulness. Her vibrant joy and spiritual strength are evidence of God’s redemptive power.
💌 Are You Ready to Step Out of the Rubble?
If Naghmeh’s story resonated with you, know this: You are not damaged goods. It’s not too late. You can get out. You can heal. You can rebuild.
 
🙏 Closing Encouragement
Sister, God never asked you to sacrifice your soul to save a marriage. He sees your pain. He honors your tears. And He’s not done with your story. Like Naghmeh, you may feel broken right now—but broken is not the end. It’s the beginning of something sacred, strong, and free.
Let God rebuild the ruins. Let Him plant deep joy where sorrow once lived. You are His beloved daughter—and your healing brings Him glory.
You are not alone.

Healing After Sexual Abuse: A Powerful Conversation with Tabitha Westbrook

Have you ever wondered if healing is truly possible after the deepest kind of betrayal?
Maybe you’ve been carrying the weight of shame, confusion, or silence for years. Or maybe someone you love is walking that road and you don’t know how to help. In this honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie is joined by Tabitha Westbrook, licensed therapist, abuse recovery expert, and survivor, for one of the most vulnerable conversations we’ve had yet.
Tabitha courageously shares parts of her own story of sexual abuse—both in childhood and in marriage—and offers profound insight into what real healing looks like. Together, Leslie and Tabitha explore how trauma impacts our bodies, our faith, our sexuality, and our relationships—and how God gently invites us toward wholeness.
Whether you’re walking through this journey yourself or supporting someone who is, you’ll leave this episode with truth, compassion, and a renewed sense of hope.
💡 Key Takeaways from This Episode:
💔 Healing Isn’t a Straight Line—It’s a Sacred JourneyTabitha shares that healing happens in layers. Just when you think you're “done,” God may bring something new to the surface—not to punish you, but to lovingly bring it into the light. There is no shame in needing more healing.
🖐️ Your Body Wasn’t the Problem—Abuse WasFor survivors, it’s common to disconnect from the body or view it as broken. Tabitha helps us reframe that: Your body isn’t your enemy. Gentle, safe touch—even starting with placing your hand over your heart—can begin the work of restoring trust and safety in your own skin.
💬 The Church Needs to Stop Being SilentToo often, women go to their pastors first—and are met with harmful advice or spiritual platitudes. Tabitha urges churches to get trauma-informed, stop shaming survivors, and become places of real healing, not deeper harm.
🕊️ Yes, We’re Talking About Sexuality—With GraceFrom reclaiming sexual health to navigating masturbation, orgasm, and pleasure after trauma, Tabitha speaks boldly and biblically about the realities many Christian women face. God designed sexuality to be good—and healing in this area is possible.
📘 New Resource: Body & Soul, Healed & Whole by Tabitha Westbrook
We’re thrilled to celebrate the release of Tabitha’s brand-new book, Body & Soul, Healed & Whole: An Invitational Guide to Healthy Sexuality After Trauma, Abuse, and Coercive Control, launching April 1, 2025.
This groundbreaking resource offers a biblically grounded, trauma-informed path to reclaiming your body and restoring your sexuality in a way that honors God and brings healing. Tabitha gently invites readers into truth, safety, and wholeness—no matter how broken or disconnected they feel.
👉 Order the book here:Tyndale HouseAmazon
🖊️ Don’t miss the companion workbook, launching the same day, to help you go deeper in your healing journey.
If this episode spoke to your heart, don’t walk this path alone. Leslie’s Conquer Membership community is a safe, faith-based space for women healing from destructive relationships. Inside, you’ll find support, coaching, and biblical tools to help you walk in truth and strength.
👉 Learn more and join the waitlist here: www.leslievernick.com
🌟 Closing Encouragement
Friend, if your story includes abuse, shame, or silence—please know this: you are not alone, and you are not beyond healing. God sees you. He is not afraid of your wounds. There is no part of your story too dark for His light, and no part of your heart too broken for His love.
Take the next step. Speak the truth. Healing is possible—one brave choice at a time.

When Loving Him Hurts: Navigating Neurodivergence, Abuse, and Ministry Expectations

Is It Neurodivergence… or Abuse? One Woman’s Journey to Truth and Freedom
What do you do when the man you married is beloved by everyone, but you’re falling apart behind closed doors? When he’s neurodivergent—and you want to be compassionate—but you’re the one carrying the entire weight of the marriage, ministry, and motherhood?
In this deeply moving episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with life coach, neurodiversity advocate, and former missionary Jenilee Goodwin. Jenilee courageously shares her story of being in a 23-year emotionally destructive marriage while also navigating the challenges of ministry, chronic illness, and parenting neurodivergent children.
Her journey—from burnout and confusion to clarity and empowerment—will resonate with every woman who’s ever asked: Is it really that bad… or am I just not trying hard enough?
With honesty, wisdom, and deep spiritual insight, Jenilee walks us through the complexities of differentiating neurodivergent limitations from emotionally abusive behavior, and how she found the strength to obey God—even when it meant letting go of everything she’d built.
Key Takeaways
1. Neurodivergence vs. Destructive Behavior: How to Discern the Difference
Jenilee explains how difficult it was to separate her husband’s ADHD and possible autism from his emotionally abusive behaviors. The turning point? Realizing that neurodivergence doesn’t excuse a lack of empathy, unwillingness to change, or repeated disregard for her well-being. Diagnosis is not a license for disrespect.
2. When Ministry Expectations Keep You Stuck
As a pastor’s wife and missionary, Jenilee felt enormous pressure to keep up appearances. But when her health began to deteriorate and her husband refused to share the load, she had to make a painful decision: obey the institutional church… or obey God’s whisper to “stop.”
3. You Are Not His Body and Brain
Jenilee describes the crushing emotional and mental labor she carried for her husband—being his memory, his planner, his spiritual leader—until she said no more. When she stopped overfunctioning, things crumbled… but clarity and healing finally began.
4. Obedience to God Sometimes Looks Like Letting Go
The lie that godly women must sacrifice themselves no matter what is one that keeps many stuck in harmful marriages. Jenilee shares how stepping into obedience—choosing truth over appearances—led to both heartbreak and unexpected joy.
5. Your Body Keeps the Score—But God Holds the Pen
From MS and fibromyalgia to chronic fatigue, Jenilee’s body bore the cost of the emotional toll she carried for years. But after she stopped rescuing her husband and started caring for herself, healing began—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Closing Encouragement
Sister, you are not selfish for needing rest. You are not ungodly for drawing boundaries. You are not breaking your marriage—you are breaking free from patterns that are breaking you. Obedience to God may feel like a fire, but on the other side is freedom, clarity, and healing.
Don’t wait until your body forces you to stop. Listen to that still, small voice. God is calling you into truth—and into life.
You can do this. We’re walking with you.

Money, Marriage & Moving Forward: A Financial Guide for Women Facing Divorce with Rhonda Noordyk

Divorce is never the goal, but sometimes it’s the only solution to an abusive, destructive marriage. Yet, for many Christian women, the fear of financial ruin keeps them stuck in unhealthy relationships. Today, we’re tackling that fear head-on with financial expert Rhonda Noordyk, founder of the Women’s Financial Wellness Center and host of the podcast Disrupting Divorce Conversations for Women.
Rhonda has dedicated her career to helping women navigate the financial complexities of divorce with confidence and clarity. In this episode, she shares practical strategies for financial empowerment, ways to uncover hidden assets, and how to build a strong support team so that no woman has to walk this journey alone. If you've ever felt trapped by financial insecurity or overwhelmed by the thought of handling money on your own, this conversation is for you.
Key Takeaways
Divorce Isn’t the First Choice, But Sometimes It’s the Best ChoiceMany women hesitate to leave abusive or destructive marriages due to religious or cultural conditioning. Rhonda and Leslie discuss why staying informed about your options is not promoting divorce but rather promoting wisdom and safety.
Building a Strong Financial Foundation Starts with AwarenessWhether you're contemplating divorce or just wanting to be more financially literate, knowing where your money is and how it works is crucial. Rhonda shares her Bridge Method, helping women breathe, build a financial team, and gather critical financial documents before making any decisions.
Common Financial Fears and How to Overcome ThemFear of being destitute, of never being able to own a home, or of not being able to provide for children keeps many women feeling stuck. Rhonda walks us through the knowledge-experience-confidence formula that helps women step into financial empowerment.
Practical Steps to Uncover Financial InformationRhonda shares insider strategies, including checking credit reports, IRS transcripts, and even using USPS informed delivery, to help women piece together their financial picture—even when their spouse has kept them in the dark.
You Don’t Have to Do This AloneHaving a trusted support system is key. If you don’t know where to start, find a financial expert, a supportive friend, or even a private investigator if necessary. Rhonda’s resources make it easier to take those first steps toward financial security.
Resources & Next Steps
Listen to Rhonda's podcast Disrupting Divorce Conversations for Women
Download Rhonda’s free resource: 6 Ways to Get a Fair Divorce Settlement – wfwcdivorce.com
Explore Leslie’s coaching programs and community for faith-based support – leslievernick.com
Final Encouragement
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take one small step toward educating yourself and preparing for your future. God will guide your path, one decision at a time. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.
 

The Nicest Liar You'll Ever Meet

What happens when the person you trust most turns out to be a stranger behind closed doors? Many of us go into marriage believing we’ve found a godly partner, only to discover deception, manipulation, and an unraveling reality we never saw coming. In this powerful episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko sits down with Isla, a woman whose marriage began with hidden debts, constant lies, and a suffocating sense of tension. After years of heartache, separation, and a journey toward personal transformation, she and her husband now walk a different path—one built on truth, respect, and a deeper understanding of God's role in their lives.
If you’ve ever felt trapped in a relationship where words don’t match actions, where confusion and self-doubt creep in, this episode will encourage and empower you with the wisdom, faith, and tools to step into truth.
Key Takeaways
1. The Slow Realization of DeceptionIsla’s story began with excitement and hope—she believed she had chosen wisely. But from her wedding night onward, subtle red flags began to emerge: small acts of indifference, shifting moods, and later, outright lies. She learned that deception doesn’t always come with blatant betrayal; sometimes, it’s the quiet erosion of trust, the feeling that something is always just slightly off. If you feel unsettled in your relationship but can’t pinpoint why, it’s worth paying attention.
2. The Power of Denial and OvercompensatingFor years, Isla compensated for her husband's irresponsibility, picking up the slack and trying harder to make things work. She assumed his agreement with her concerns meant he would change, but true transformation requires action, not just words. Recognizing the difference between passive compliance and real accountability was key in her healing journey.
3. The Breaking Point: When You Can’t Walk Through the DoorSitting in her car, unable to enter her own home, Isla hit a moment of undeniable truth—her marriage was crushing her spirit. It wasn’t until she stepped back, created boundaries, and sought wisdom that she began to reclaim her life. Sometimes, rock bottom is the birthplace of transformation.
4. Healing Through Faith, Boundaries, and CommunityIsla's faith played a crucial role in her journey. She turned to Proverbs for wisdom, joined Conquer, and found a community of women who understood her struggle. Through this, she discovered that mutual, safe, and reciprocal relationships are God’s design—not a life of walking on eggshells. Healing required her to hold the relationship loosely, allowing her husband to take responsibility for his own growth.
5. Rebuilding with Wisdom and CautionAfter three years of separation, her husband had to prove his change—not with words, but with actions. Weekly accountability groups, personal counseling, and a renewed commitment to truth paved the way for reconciliation. Their marriage today looks nothing like before—marked by independent wholeness, clear financial separation, and intentional rebuilding. It’s not about returning to the old marriage; it’s about creating something new.
A Personal Invitation
If Isla’s story resonates with you, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Conquer is a transformative support community designed for women facing destructive relationships. You’ll find biblical wisdom, practical tools, and the support of women who truly understand. Learn more and join the waitlist at leslievernick.com/conquersignup.
Closing Encouragement
If you’re sitting in your car, afraid to walk inside, know this: God sees you. You are precious in His sight, and you deserve a life built on truth, respect, and mutual love. Don’t be afraid to take the next right step—one step at a time, one boundary at a time. You are not alone, and with God’s guidance, healing and clarity are possible.
 

Power, Abuse, and the Church: Exposing the Truth with Dr. Diane Langberg

When the Church Harms Instead of Heals: A Conversation with Dr. Diane Langberg
Does the church always protect the vulnerable? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Too often, church leaders and institutions protect their own reputation, power, and influence instead of the wounded and abused. This episode is a crucial conversation with world-renowned trauma expert Dr. Diane Langberg, who has spent over five decades counseling survivors of abuse and working to bring truth and light into the darkest places within the church.
In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Dr. Langberg discuss how churches can—and must—do better. They expose the dangerous ways churches enable abuse, misuse power, and silence victims in the name of God. If you've ever felt unheard, dismissed, or spiritually manipulated by those in leadership, this conversation will offer both validation and hope.
Key Takeaways:
1. Why Churches Struggle to See and Address AbuseThe church has been slow to acknowledge abuse within its walls. Too often, the institution is prioritized over the people. Jesus called leaders to "feed my sheep," yet many churches protect the system instead. Abuse survivors need churches that reflect Christ’s heart, not just uphold doctrine.
2. The Harmful Messages Women Hear About Abuse and MarriageMany women are told that preserving marriage at all costs is God’s will, even at the expense of their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. But God hates sin more than divorce. Jesus himself walked away from people who refused truth, and women are not called to stay in destructive relationships to honor God.
3. The Self-Deception of Abusive Church LeadersAbusive pastors and leaders often twist Scripture to justify their actions. They protect their reputations and minimize their sins, deceiving not only others but themselves. True repentance requires exposure and accountability, not secrecy and cover-ups.
4. How to Create Safer Churches for Abuse SurvivorsChurches must shift their focus from building large institutions to becoming places that reflect Christ’s love and justice. This means listening to survivors, seeking expert training, and prioritizing character over charisma in leadership.
5. God's Heart for the WoundedFor those who have been harmed by their church, Dr. Langberg offers a powerful reminder: God sees, weeps, and hates the evil done in His name. He does not ask you to stay in an abusive situation. He is for you, not against you.
Resources and Next Steps:
Dr. Diane Langberg’s book: When the Church Harms God's People
Dr. Diane Langberg's website: www.dianelangberg.com
Leslie Vernick’s resources for abuse survivors: www.leslievernick.com
Need support? Join our private community for women seeking healing and guidance. 
Final Encouragement
If you've been hurt by the church, know this: God is not like the leaders who failed you. He sees you, loves you, and wants you to walk in freedom. Your voice matters, and healing is possible.
Thank you for listening to Relationship Truth Unfiltered. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. 

Acceptance: Facing Hard Truths Without Giving Up Hope

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of hoping things will change, only to be disappointed over and over again? Maybe you’re in a destructive marriage, and deep down, you know the truth... but accepting it feels impossible.
In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Julie Sedenko dive into what true acceptance looks like, especially for women in difficult relationships. But here’s the key: Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean resigning yourself to misery. Instead, it’s about facing the truth so that you can take back your power and choose your next steps wisely.
If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone who refuses to change, this episode will help you shift your mindset and start taking care of yourself because you are worth it.
Key Takeaways:
1. Healthy People Live in the Truth
Denying reality doesn’t change it, it only keeps you stuck.
Accepting a hard truth doesn’t mean you have to like it, but it does mean you can begin to move forward.
Resisting reality drains your energy. Facing it, even when it hurts, is the first step to healing and change.
2. Acceptance is Empowering, Not Defeating
Accepting the truth about your marriage doesn’t mean it will never change, but it does mean you stop relying on "hopium", the false hope that if you just try harder, he’ll be different.
When you accept reality, you regain your power by asking: “What are my choices now?”
Acceptance leads to action. You can start making plans for your well-being, rather than waiting for someone else to change.
3. You Have Choices, Even When It Feels Like You Don’t
If your husband refuses to change, you can choose how you will respond.
Your choices might include setting firmer boundaries, building financial independence, finding emotional support, or even considering separation.
Instead of waiting for someone else to rescue you, step into the role God has given you as the steward of your own life.
4. Stop Living Like a Doormat—Set Healthy Boundaries
Feeling like a doormat? That’s a sign you need better boundaries.
Being kind does not mean letting people take advantage of you.
When you start saying “no,” pay attention to how people respond. Do they respect your boundaries, or do they punish you for them? That tells you a lot about the relationship.
5. Taking Responsibility for Your Own Well-Being
If your needs aren’t being met in your marriage, you don’t have to stay stuck in resentment. Instead, you can take steps to meet them in other ways.
Stop waiting for your husband to make you feel valued, loved, or celebrated. Celebrate yourself.
God calls us to steward our lives wisely. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s responsible.
A Personal Invitation:
Are you struggling to accept a painful truth in your marriage? You don’t have to go through this alone. Ready to take action and grow stronger? Walking in CORE Strength is a coaching program designed to help you build confidence, set boundaries, and reclaim your life. Learn more and join us here.
Final Encouragement:
Acceptance is hard, but it’s also the doorway to freedom. When you stop fighting the truth, you can start making choices that bring peace, strength, and healing into your life. You are not alone, and God will give you the courage to take the next step.
🔹 Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode!🔹 Leave a review! Your words encourage other women to find hope and truth.
 

Pastor's Wife: Called or Confined?

RESOURCES:Join Walking in Core Strength Today!Beth Allison Barr's website"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" by Beth Allison BarrWhat does it mean to be a pastor’s wife? Is it a God-ordained role, or has it been shaped by culture? And how do women in ministry or marriage find freedom when their identity feels crushed under the weight of unrealistic expectations?
In this powerful and eye-opening episode, Leslie sits down with Dr. Beth Allison Barr, a medieval historian, pastor’s wife, and author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood and Becoming the Pastor’s Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as Women’s Paths to Ministry. Together, they uncover the hidden history of women in the church, the pressures placed on pastor’s wives, and the rise of complementarian theology that has harmed both women and men. Beth also shares practical wisdom for women navigating abusive marriages, ministry challenges, and the journey to rediscover their God-given identity.
Whether you’re a pastor’s wife, married to a man in leadership, or simply navigating the tension between cultural expectations and God’s calling, this episode will inspire you to seek truth, embrace courage, and step into the freedom God has for you.
Key Takeaways:
The Pastor’s Wife Role: Cultural, Not BiblicalMany assume the role of the pastor’s wife is biblically mandated, but Beth reveals that it is a cultural construct that emerged in modern history. While the role can be valuable for those called to it, it is not the primary calling for all women. Recognizing this truth is freeing and helps dismantle harmful expectations.
Empowering Lessons from Black ChurchesBlack pastor’s wives have historically embraced more freedom and authority in their roles, often co-pastoring or pursuing ministry outside their husband’s church. Unlike white evangelical churches, where the pastor’s wife is expected to embody the “ideal” biblical woman, Black church traditions emphasize authenticity and community support.
The Legacy of Women in Church LeadershipThe medieval church had space for women in leadership, with figures like Mary Magdalene, Hildegard of Bingen, and Catherine of Siena preaching and holding authority. Beth challenges listeners to revisit Romans 16, where women are commended as apostles, deacons, and house church leaders, proving that women’s leadership has always been part of God’s design.
The Rise of Complementarian Theology and Its HarmComplementarian theology, which ties women’s worth to their husband’s ministry, rose in the 20th century as a reaction to women gaining autonomy in society. This theology pressures women to prioritize their husband’s needs over their own, often leading to emotional and spiritual harm. It also isolates pastor’s wives, making it difficult for them to find support or speak out against abuse.
The Burden of Perfection and the Danger of SilencePastor’s wives—and women in ministry—often feel pressured to maintain an image of perfection, from their appearance to their children’s behavior. This isolation becomes dangerous when they are in abusive marriages, as speaking out can cost them everything. Leslie and Beth discuss the importance of breaking the silence, seeking support, and prioritizing safety over the preservation of harmful institutions.
Becoming God-Centered, Not Husband-CenteredWomen are often taught to center their lives on their husbands, but true freedom comes from being God-centered. Leslie and Beth encourage listeners to seek God’s voice and ask, “What are you calling me to do?” Each woman is uniquely gifted and called for a purpose beyond cultural expectations.